“Life appears to me
too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”-Charlotte
Bronte “Jane Eyre”
My mama found out she was pregnant
with her first child when she came to USA to study at the University of
Tuscaloosa, Alabama. She was a bright eighteen year old whose parents and the
family in USA worked hard in order for my mama to continue her studies and to become
a professional woman from a University in the United States and the family
worked very hard to obtain legal residence for her. When my mama lived in
Honduras she was always an outgoing girl, community helper, independent,
hardworking, very studios, straight “A” student who became the Valedictorian of
her class. My mama was involved in many activities while carrying her “A” grade
status. When her graduation came she graduated with excellent grades as the
Valedictorian and read the commencement speech to her graduating peers.
La vida se aparce
para mi muy corto para estar gastando en hacer durar animosidad o registrando
la injustamento.”-Charlotte Bronte” Janet Eyre”
Mi madre descrubrió que estaba
prenada de su primera hija cuando llego por primera vez ha estudiar a la
Universidad de Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Ella era brillante con dieciocho años de edad y
sus padres en Tegucigalpa, Honduras y la familia en los Estados Unidos
trabajaron mucho para obtener la
documentación para que ella llega como residente legal y ha continuar sus
estudios y ser una mujer professional de una universidad de los Estados Unidos.
Cuando mi mama viviá en Honduras
era muy extrovertida, trabajodora, activa en la comunidad, independiente, muy
estudiosa, con calificaciones de “A” y la mejor de sus clases en preparatoria y
fue asignada ha leer el discurso de la ceremonia de graduacion.
My mama’s life was always a roller
coaster as she was growing up from a family who was going through difficult
times and who persevered over a Honduran society of hardships, prejudice, and
diseases. My abuela Antonia Engracia Garcia Cortes was a hard working woman and
very forward with her actions and responses and who took on the hardships of a
woman, mother, and wife. She was born in Central America, the municipality of
San Matias of El Paraiso. My abuelo Rodolfo Heller Bartel was born as a
national of Costa Rica but his ethnicity is German and his parents were born in Germany. My abuela’s nickname was Toñita and she was a tanned woman who
came from a family who owned land and livestock. My abuela did not have a good
relationship with her sisters and brothers and had distanced her self from them.
My mama states she did meet her abuela as a little girl but that her mama’s relationship
with her siblings was very unbalanced. As
a child my mama remembers going with her mama to the market to buy fruits and
bumping into her aunt whose name was Cristina Garcia Cortes. My mama’s
tìa Cristina did not approach them but kept her distance and waved to my mama
from afar and gave my mama a smile. But her tìa did not approach her due to
respecting my abuela’s feelings. My mama states that her tìa Cristina resembled
her mother whose name was Mercedes Cortes Valle de Garcia.
My abuela also had a strenuous relationship
with her father. As a young girl my abuela was sent to a private tutor to take
classes and to be taught reading and writing. But as the story goes the teacher
she was entrusted took full advantage of her youth, time, and family’s money.
She would force my abuela to sell her “pan” or bread she baked at home instead
of using her time to teach her reading and writing. So my abuela Toña would
skip classes in the home of her tutor and leave and go to the river and spend
her time away from that teacher. One day when my abuela Toñita was out with her
father and they bumped into the tutor who proceeded to ask my abuela why she was
not going to her tutoring classes! Her father became outraged and my abuela
tried to explain the situation someone who knew what was going on tried to
explain the situation to him but he refused to listen to anyone. So her
punishment from her father was that as a girl she would not have the
opportunity to learn to read or write and she would
have to work the land by bringing water in, washing clothes, make tortillas and
deal with the livestock. My abuela became illiterate in writing and reading! It
is ironic what her punishment was from her father because he really ended up
doing to her what the tutor did too her!
Mi abuelita Toña tenia una relación
muy dolorosa con su padre, quien la mando a una escuelita privada con una
tutora para que la enseñara ha leer y escribir. Pero resulta que la tutora no le
enseñaba nada, uso su tiempo, juventud, y dinero de la familia. Por el
contrario la utilizaba como vendedora de pan que ella horneaba en casa en lugar
de ensenarle ha leer y escribir. Entonces
mi abuelita Toña decidió ir no mas a clases y se iba al rìo ha paser el tiempo y
duespués regresaba ha casa. Un dìa cuanda mi abuelita salio con su papa la
tutora aperació por allì, y preguntó, que pasa Toña, que no haz venido ha
clases? Entonces, Toñita tuvo que explicarle ha su padre lo que pasaba y otra
persona que sabia que paso le trato de explicar, pero su padre se negó ha
eschucharla y la castigó para siempre. El castigo para Toñita fue ser la sirventa
de la casa, cuidar el ganado, halar agua, lavar ropa, y hacer tortillas. Mi
abuela Toña se volvio anafabeta con relacion ha escribir y leer! Es ironico lo
que el papa de mi abuela le izo porque es lo mismo que le izo ha ella la
tutora!
My abuelo Rodolfo and his siblings
were all very educated in high school, college, trilingual, and some ended up
in the military. My grandparents were two very contrasting individuals that met
while my grandfather was a pilot in ther Air Force in Toncontìn, Tegucigalpa
Honduras and they had three children two boys and one girl my mama Ernestina
Modesta Heller Garcia, Carlos Alberto Heller Garcia, and Bruno Conrado Heller
Garcia. The hopes and the dreams lay on the shoulders of these three
individuals and my mama would be the one to carry this torch. It was up to my
mama to become the best she can continue being. Her mama would make her rise
out of bed very early, as early as four in the morning before classes to study
and to learn to memorize her class work. My abeula Toña was illiterate but very
intelligent in her way of learning. When my mama would repeat my abuela would
listen and memorize the work herself. In this way my abuela was very
intelligent but she carried the feeling of astigmatism not feeling worthy
because of her illiteracy and she was a very angry woman and rarely smiled. My
abuela’s life would become tough as a married woman and a wife. She married a
man who was in the military and not home often because of his job and one of
the boys at age two encountered Polio and became a very disruptive and violent
individual in the home as he became older.
Mi abuelo y sus hermanos fueron
educados academicamente y algunos eran trilingǜes, y otors en la militaria. Mis
abuelos eran dos individuos con una contraste total diferente y tuvieron tres
hijos que sobrevivieron. Mi abuela se
caso con un hombre quein era piloto en la fuerza aerea de Toncontìn Tegucigalpa,
Honduras. Nacerion dos hijos y una hija mi mama Ernestine Modesta Heller Garcia,
Carlos Alberto Heller Garcia, y Bruno Conrado Heller Garcia. Y mi mama era la
hija que acarrearìa la antorcha de la carrera de la victoria academica. Mi
abuela Toña levantaba a mi mama muy demadrugada ha estudiar con candil o
candela, como las quatro de la manana antes de ir ha la escuela. La forma de
estudiar era en voz alta, repitiendo, y mientras tanto mi abuela Toña escuchaba
y se memorizaba las lecciones. A pesar de la falta academica de mi abuela ella
demostró ser inteligente. Sin embargo, crecio con un estigmatisomo de no ser
suficiente en el campo intelectual de los hombres. Por su falta de academia ella resentìa la
vida, era enojada y sonreìa poco! Mi abuela cargaba mucho en su vida, con su
esposo que no estaba en la casa para aistar, y con un hijo que desarrollo polio
y crecio con problemas emocionales y violentes.
“Either write
something worth reading or do something worth writing”.-Benjamin Franklin
In Psychology Today, there is a
paper written by M. Gerard Fromm (2012). The subject is, Lost in Transmission:
Studies of Trauma Across Generations. In this article it also speaks of the German
generation and their suffering of malnutrition, physical privations of the
German people during WWI, the Great Depression, and the Nazi appeal to children
of Central Europe. My mama’s dad's ethnicity was German and all the letters I
have from my ancestors written from Germany speak of lose, pain, war, and lack
of food. When I decided in the year 2006 to start working on my ancestry tree
and write my mama’s life her DNA results gave us information on how much of the
European/German/Native American side she had in her DNA. Well the results were
68% European and 24% Native American.
"O escribes algo que valga la pena leer o haz algo mejor escribiendo."-Benjamin Franklin
En Psycologia Hoy, hay un documento
escsrito por M. Gerard Fromm (2012). El tema es, Perdido en Transmisión
Estudios de Trauma A Traves de las Generaciones. En este artìculo tambìen
habla de la Gran Depresión, del
sufrimiento y la mala nutrución, de las deprabaciones fìsicas a los hijos
alemanes después de la Segunda Guerra Mundial y el apelar contra los Nazis en
Europa Central. El grupo étnico de mi madre es
alemán por sus decendientes y todas las cartas que tengo escritas en alemán donde
hablan de los sufrimientos por falta de alimientos, pérdidas fìsicas de
familiars y haberes, todo el dolor y tristezas. En el 2006 decidì hacernos un
exámen de ADN para comenzar a trabajar con mi árbol genealógico y escribir la
vida de mi madre. El resultado de mi madre es 68% europeo y 24% native
Americano.
My mama picked up on a lot of the
suffering in her life and wanted to change this and break the bondages of her
current life and learn new things and move forward. With courage she stepped
out of the home and she would find new things on the outside world. She would
start to attend different religious institutions and learned a little about
different ways people and churches would go door to door to proselytize or
about different religions. She would meet with evangelicals, Adventist, Jehovah
Witnesses, and Catholics. All these institutions of worship would eventually
influence my mama in many ways and forms and how she would see her life with
God. My mama states that she learned to respect other religious beliefs.
Growing up as a young lady, in El Salvador, while she was working with the
other young ladies in the community helping out in the catholic church for
charitable funds my mama discovered that the priest was using his authority to
abuse “Las Hijas de Maria” in the choir and this is when my mama started to
rebel against the church and eventually refused to stop attending services. Eventually with her own eyes she would see the
tricks of some of the priest who would use their authority to abuse children in
different ways and forms. My mama stated
she would not want to put her kids in that type of situation, but my mama ended
up looking for a way out in places that ended up harming her and harming her
future children.
Mi
madre recogio de su vida todos estos sufrimientos y quizo cambiarlos para
romper esa esclavitud de su vida para darle un nuevo giro ha la situacion y
continuar. Con valor y con paso ella se
salio de su hogar a encontrar nuevas oportunidades en la vida afuera. Cuando mi
mama crecia he iba ha la iglesia aprendiendo como
las Iglesias iban de puerta en puerta para adoctrinar. Mi abuela le daba
permiso de ir a los cultos con las misioneras evangelicas, adventistas,
testigos de Jehová, católicos. De todos ellos iba aprendiendo poco a poco de
las enseñanzas de la Biblia y aprendio ha respetar las creencias de los demás. Todas
estas instituciones de culto con el tiempo influencio ha mi mama en diferente
formas en como su punto de vista era con Dios. Ya crecida, viviendo en El
Salvador, mientras ella trabajaba con otras damas de la comunidad ayudando ha
la iglesia catolica ha recaudar fondos para la comunidad descubrio al sacerdote
que usaba su autoridad para abusar de “Las Hijas de Maria” que pertenecian al
coro de la iglesia, y por hecho ella comenzó ha revelarse contra los ideas de la
iglesia hasta el punto de no congregarse en ninguna iglesia.
My mama was around seventeen years
old graduated from high school and still carrying that spirit of separation from
her home and with a desire for a better future. This is when my mother met the Director
Mrs. Matilda de Izaguirre who worked for the bilingual school, Escuala
Americana, founded in 1946 in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Someone invited my mama to Mrs. Matilda de
Izaguirre reuniones where she was the leader of this organization that my mama
does not remember the name off, but had a member who was a master teacher or
what they also called a Guru originally from Europe in her home. His name was Serge
Raynaud de la Ferriere born in Paris, France and was a French Initiatic
Philosopher. My abuela Toña did not understand the depths of the teachings but
her intuition as a mother and a woman would have her treading through the house
late at night waiting form my mama. But my mama would tell my abuela that they
were not doing anything bad or negative. My mama and her group of friends would
walk many kilometers from their homes to
the center of Comayagǜela. My mama did not know what she was getting into she
saw it as innocent intellectual listening of views of what others were saying
and thinking and to help her move forward from her home situation as she was becoming
a woman. My mama’s parents found out she was attending these meetings and with
prejudice they were not happy with her choice. My mama was growing up and
learning to become a woman where she can make her own choices and eventually
leave the nest. My abuela Toña was not on the same page as my mama and was very
displeased with my mama’s choice and advised her to not go to those meetings
due to the teachings this individual was presenting to these young people. My
mom would go to the meetings any way, but according to her, she would just sit,
listen, and watch. My abuela Toña was not happy and thought that these
teachings were not good for these young people.
Alrededor de sus 17 anos cuando salia de la escuela secundaria y siempre
con el espíritu de superación y con el anhelo de un mejor future conocio ha la
directora de la Escuela Bilingüe Americana (fundada en 1946 en Tegucigalpa, Honduras), senora Matilde de Izaguirre, quien organizaba reuniones
en su casa de habitación. Alguien invito ha mi madre a las reuniones de la
senora Matilde de Izaguirre, quien era la líder de la organizacion, la cual era
una rama de otra organizacion que en ese tiempo habia sido Serge Raynaud de la
Ferriere comenzo con una investigacion científica sobre la relación del hombre
con el universo parapsicológico, esotérico y metafísico. Mi abuela no conocia
el fondo de las ensenanzas, pero su intuition de madre y mujer le hacian lugar
por las noches llegando tarde ha casa, pero mi madre decia que ella no andaba
haciendo nada malo percibir algo negative. Mi abuela y mi madre discutían por
eso, por otro lado mi abuela no queria que mi madre continuara reuniendose en
aquel por el contrario estaba aprendiendo algo nuevo. Fundada en Francia,
Europa, por un guru llamado Serge Raynaud de La Ferriere, quien nacio en Paris,
Francia, y quien tambien era un filosofo. Mi madre empezo ha reunirse alli con
otros jovenes de la misma edad, con quienes siempre caminaban juntos muchos kilómetros
desde el centro de Comayagüela hasta sus casas. Y mi madre no sabia
exactamente el proposito de aquellas doctrinas, pero las veia como inocentes
enseñanzas intelectuales decisiones intelectuales he ir volando para dejar su nido. Que su hija, quien es mi madre se reuniera a
escuchar las platicas. Sin embargo, mi madre crecia y empezaba a ser sus
propias. Mi abuela Toña no
estaba feliz con esa decision de mi madre y le advirtio que esas enseñanzas
quizás no eran buenas para los jóvenes. Pero mi madre continuaba iyendo ha las reunions
mientras escuchaba y observaba.
Little by little my mama started
noticing that this man was different and he had a self-image of him at the meetings
and that his followers adored the image of Serge Raynuad de la Ferriere. It was
very bizarre for my mama and she knew it was wrong and remembered her days in
the church about not worshiping any graven image! My mama did not understand
the impact that these meetings would have on her life, her beliefs, and her
future. This Serge Raynaud de la Ferriere was into para scientific research, he
was into investigating the universe relationship with man, parapsychology,
esoterism, and metaphysical studies.
Poco a poco, mi madre observaba que aquellos intelectuales adoraban la foto de Ferriere. Lo que ella no quizo hacerlo porque ya había aprendido en las iglesias anteriores que no era correcto adorar ha un hombre como ídolo. Mi madre no podia entender el impacto que aquellas creencias causarían en su vida.
“There are many
devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall
stand”.-Proverbs 19:21
My mama was searching for things at
this time in her life. With so many trials and errors in her family’s life and
the absence of her father and his drinking problem just made it easier for my
mom to fall for deceptions in her walk of life. When we are weak in life and do
not call out for help to our Creator our Savior any one and thing that comes
around will just do for us! We are searching for life, love, and worthiness and
when the wolf comes looking for the sheep if we are not awake and aware we can
be devoured!
“Muchos pensamientos
hay en el corazón del hombre; Mas el consejo de Jehová permanacerá.”-Proverbios
19:21
Es un tiempo de su vida, mi madre
estaba investigando la vida. Con tantas pruebas y tribulaciones de su familia,
la ausencia de su padre alcohólico afecto la vida de mi madre con muchas
decepciones. Cuando estamos débiles y no buscamos por la ayuda del Creador
nuestro Salvador muchas cosas negativas se cruzan en nuestro camino. En la
bǜsqueda del conocimeinto de la vida, amor y de valor moral tenemos que estar
prevenidos y atentos al lobo que ataca listo ha devorar las abejas sin pastor.
My mama has always been out going,
beautiful, and well known. She always has been studios and into poetry and very
hard working and also attending to her own house hold by sharing the duties of
helping out with a younger brother whom contracted Polio as a toddler. My mama
started working at the age of seven due to unseen and uncontrollable
circumstances that occurred in her life as a child by helping her mom with
folding, ironing, picking clothes up and dropped them off for others and then continued
this as an independent worker at the age of fifteen. She started working at a
clothing store named “Salame”, than later transitioned to, “La Teinda
Panayoti”, selling shoes, than started working with a government office and
taking their deposits to the bank. While
my mama would attend to her youngest brother who was infected with Polio she
also was attending classes at the “Academia Alpha” and also was working with
“La Compañia Internacional de Seguros S.A. She eventually graduated in the
presence of “La Primera Dama de la Repǜblica” and “Promoción Galindo” where she
won in achievement of grades and the Valedictorian of her graduating class. Some
of the attendees were Doña Alejandrina de Villeda Morales, Don Galindo, Don
Tacho, Doña Adriana Valerio, and other authorities and that time. My mama
received many gifts and the ceremony was in a new theater that she does not
remember the name of. She received flowers, a gift basket of carnations from
the company she worked for and from friends. But most of my mama remembers that
presence of her mama Toñita who was so proud of my mama to watch her first
academic graduation. The presence of my mama’s tìa whose nickname was Chuja was
also there but the presence of her father Rodolfo was not there due to his job
that always had him away traveling.
Mi madre siempre has sido
extrovertida, bella, y bien conocida por sus trabajo, sus estudios, participación
en drama y poesìa, mientras atendìa a la familia en cuanto fuera necesario,
ayudando ha sus madre con su hermano menor que era incapacitado ha causa de
Poliomelitis. Mi madre comenzó ha trabajar muy temprano ayedándole a su madre a
aplanchar ropa ajena y yéndola a entregar. A la edad de quince años comenzó a
trabajar como dependienta en la tienda de telas para ropa “Salame”, luego entró ha trabajar muy con “La Teinda Panayoti”, vendiendo zapaptos mientras hacìa
depósitos al banco he iba a las oficinas del gobierno a tramitar documentos del
nogeocio. Mientras estudiaba en la Academia Alpha y para el tiempo de su
práctica comenzó ha trabajar para la Compañìa Internacional de Seguros S.A,
trabajando allì ese año se graduó bajo la “Promoción Galindo”, y tuvo el honor
de ganar notas excelentes y de haber sido la Saludatorian en su graduación,
ante la presencia de la Primera Dama de La Repǜblica, Doña Alejandrina de
Villeda Morales, Don Galindo, Don Tacho, Doña Adriana Valerio, y otras
autoridades importantes de la época. Recuerda mi madre la inauguración del cine
nuevo del cual no recuerda el nombre, y las ofrendas florales, una canasta de
claveles de parte de la compañìa de seguros, de amigos y sobre todo la
presencia de mi abuela Toñita orgullosa de ver ha su hija Ernestina con su
primer éxito académico, y su tìa Chuja, y mi abuelo Rodolfo estaba de viaje.
I
really feel sad for my mama at that time of excellence when her dad should have
made all the effort to be there for my mama, but he was absent again! Maybe her
dad’s presence would have kept my mama from making her future mistakes with
Abraham. My great grandparents had many
difficult times due to World War II. Since
the family carried German names and my mama and her brothers were subjected to
abuses at their school and their home was forcibly stolen and given to the
political party and their friends. My mama always remembers “Tecolote” who came
to the home with a document and read it too my grandmother Antonia saying that
the house and the parked truck was now his property! Before they knew it they
were on the streets and a new chapter started in their lives. But we as a
family have always persevered and have been truly blessed in so many ways no
matter the circumstances of darkness that has tried to bring us down.
Yo me siento triste para mi madre porque en el tiempo que debia de estar el padre de ella allì y hacer todo posible con su presencia, no estaba otra vez, pero ausente! Posible miente la presencia de su padre podria evitar en los problems con Abraham. Todos esas dificultades que mis abuelos tuvieron fueron conexción de la Segunda Guerra Mundial. Mi abuelo era de pardres alemanes y mi madre y hermanos de apellido alemán, fueron sujetos a abusos en la escuela, mi familia fue expropeiada de sus bienes, les robaron su casa y otros haberesa dándoselas a los amigos de los politicos de turno. Mi madre recuerda que un hombre llamado “Tecolote” llegó con un documento, se lo leyó a mi abuela Antonia y decìa que la casa y un camion que
estaba parqueado ahora eran de su propiedad. Muy pronto estaban en la calle, y
aquì comeinza otro capìtulo pero siempre nuestra familia somos afurtunados no inporta
la escuridad que nos tratan de bajar.
“The woman who
follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who
walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before”.-Albert
Einstein
One day on her way to one of these
reunions, my mama and abuela got into a heated discussion because she was going
out to late. My abuela Toña did not know much about these meetings, but her
intuition as a mother and woman felt that it would not go well for her daughter.
Disobeying the advice of your parent could be a difficult choice and sometimes we must disobey because of the unhealthy
home and other times it is just plain disrespectful disobedience on our behalf.
Sometimes parents do not know how to make a change in the home for the best of
the family and they continue on the same path and bondage's they do not break in the
family and so suffering continues. Suffering in homes like this usually become
an ongoing psychological battle and physical abuse. My mama wanted to make a
change but she did not have the support system necessary to make those choices.
My abuelos were busy in their own struggles in life as a couple, working to
survive, being parents, and just being human. In that heated discussion my
abuela had with my mama she warned her not to go to that meeting that a punishment
from God would await her for her disobedience! Well my mama said I am going,
and she did! What happens next is almost like the butterfly affect. If we can
control our emotions and try to choose the right path of actions we than can
reduce that ripple effect into the next generation and our own life if not that
butterfly effect can ripple almost like a tidal wave that keeps us dragging
back and forth. We all are free to
choose but not free from the consequences! My mama would walk to her usual bus stop and
catch the bus to her meetings. On this particular day when my mama walked to
the bus stop she saw two individuals there waiting for the bus a man and a
woman. As my mama stood there at the bus stop all of a sudden out of nowhere
this man picked up his hand and pressed on my mama’s body to start to fondle
her buttocks. My mama was stunned and took the purse she was carrying and smacked
man on his face with it. The man became furious and took out a knife he was
carrying with him and started walking towards my mama to attack her as she was
walking backwards and panicky while the only thing that stopped this man was
the woman”thank God,” states my mama, the woman yelled at him to stop and the
man backed off! My mama states that if this woman would not have said anything
she probably would have ended up dead that day. This was a short term
punishment for my consequences of disobedience.
Una
tarde, mi madre yendo ha uno de las reunions, mi abuela y mi madre entraron en
discusión porque mi abuela no querìa que ella saleira tarde, y aunque mi abuela
no estaba al tanto del contenido de las reunions, su intuición de madre y mujer
podia percibir que no irìa bien para su hija en esas reunions de esa tal
organización acuariana. Mi madre re huso seguir el consejo de su madre,
desobedeció y continuó en su camino. A
veces los padres no saben hacer un cambio en el hogar para mejorar el abiente,
siguen con la misma rutina que no rompe la esclavitud y los sufrimeintos
continǜan. Sufrimientos que ha la larga se convierten en una batalla de abuso
psicológico y fìsico. Mi madre querìa transformarla, pero faltaban los
recursos necesarios. Mientras sus padres
estaban muy ocupados en la lucha de su relación, trabjando para sobrevivir, ser
padres, y ser humano. En la descusion entre mi abuela y mama, mi abuela Toñita
le advertió y prohibió ir ha las reunions le advirtió que su desobedicìa que
Dios la castigarìa! El cual fue un hecho de corto y largo plazo. Lo que pasó después es el efecto de
la mariposa, sino controlamos nuestras emociones sin decidir los pasoso correctos de nuestras acciones entonces podemos reducer
el efecto de la cosecha ha la siguiente generación y de nuestra propia vida. Esa tarde en
cuanto mi mamá llegó ha las estación de buses, venìa un hombre acompañado de una
mujer, el hombre le toco los glǜteos a mi mama, entonces mi mama le dio vuelta
dándole un carterazo al hombre, el hombre sacó un pǜnal aproximándose ha mi
mama, mi mama caminaba hacia atrás con panica y gracias a Dios la mujer le
gritó al hombre y lo paró y evitó el ataque. Este fue el castigo de corto plazo
las consecuencias de la desobediencia.
“How few are those
who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them”.-Benjamin
Franklin
The organization that my mama was
involved in was adult individuals who already were into this new age teaching
and many manipulators who already were attending the meeting even before my
mama and her school mates attended.
At this meeting my mama would meet new people
and this is where she first met a man named, Abraham. He would get close to my
mama by talking to her about the guru Serge Raynaud de la Ferriere and he would
tell her that this man was crazy. But Abraham would be there at these meetings
any way following along and learning the techniques on how create his own
organization. Finally, this man Abraham would manage to initiate his own group
of individuals and make his own organization with the same similarities of
Serge Raynaud de la Ferriere. In his home he started a group named “La Sociedad
Blanca Maya,” where he had a wife, two kids, his mother, grandmother, and some
cousins living with him. My mama would leave the old organization where Serge
Raynaud de la Ferriere attended and go to new place where Abraham would be the
leader in his home and have the same intentions as the guru Serge Raynaud de
la Ferriere did.
“Cuan pocos son
aquéllos que tienen suficiente coraje para apropiarse de sus propios errores, o
suficiente resolución para corregirlos”.-Benjamin Franklin
En esta organización ha la que mi madre
llegó a ser parte en donde muchos adultos quienes estaban en esa nueva era de
enseñanza y muchos manipuladores que estaban participando de las sesiones aǜn
antes que mi madre y sus companáneros atendieron.
En estas
reuiónes mi madre conocerìa neuva gente y fue allì en donde ella conoció ha,
Abraham! El se acercaba ha mi made para hablar aerca de gurǜ Serge Raynaud de la
Ferriere y le decìa que él estaba loco, sin embargo, Abraham continuaba yendo ha
las reunions y aprendiendo técnicas para hacer su propia organización. Finalmente,
Abraham pudo manajar ha un grupo de gente para organizer, “La Sociedad Blanca
Maya”, en su propia casa de habitación, con su esposa, dos hijos, madre, abuela
y unos primos. Mi madre dejo la vieja organización
para unirse ha “La Blanca Maya,” en donde Abraham siguìa el mismo intento de
lìdar comó el guru Serge Raynaud de la Ferriere.
“I want God not the
idea of God.”-C.S. Lewis
" Lo, this only have I found, that God hath made man upright, but they have sought out many inventions."-Ecclesiastes 7:29
My abuela Toña was still advising
my mama to stay away from those types of meetings and to remove herself from
that house. But my mama was being groomed by the new leader, Abraham and the
adults who were there. This man was full of games and knew exactly what his
intents were towards getting my mama to entrust in him and for her to become
closer to him. This man was a pro at carousing his way around woman especially
the stripling! He was already successful in using people to his advantage for
his own greed and for popularity. This man would tell my mama that his marriage
was forced by manipulation, greed, status, even by the woman he married, her
father, and his own father who pushed the marriage. It was more of a stage than
of love and you cannot force love! So many couples get together for all the
wrong reasons and then the rippling of family dysfunction enters and then they
try to blame whoever is next in line and my mama was the target and blame of
many unpleasant things.
“Quiero a Dios no la
idea de Dios”.-C.S. Lewis
"He aqui, solamente esto he hallado: que Dios hizo al hombre recto, pero ellos buscaraon muchas perversiones."-Eclesiastes 7:29
Mi abuela Toñita continuaba
advirtiéndole ha mi madre mantenerse alejada de dicha organización. Pero mi madre estaba siendo
influenciada por Abraham y los otros adultos. Este hombre continuaba con sus
juegos manipulando, acercándose y sabìa exactamente sus intenciones para
ganarse la confianza de mi madre para que se fuera acercándose ha él. Este
hombre era listo para acercarse ha las mozas jóvenes! El tenia éxito en usar
gente para su propia ventaja y llegar ha ser famoso. Este hombre decìa que su
matrimonio fue manipulado, por ambición, estado, y por la misma mujer con quien
se iba casar, el padre de ella, el padre de el, y que era mas una escana que amor!
El amor no se puede forzar! Muchas parejas
se unan por razones erróneas y entonces la oleada de la defunción familiar
entra y luego intentan culpar quien sea próximo en la fila. Y mi madre era la
meta y culpa de muchas cosas desagradables!
This man Abraham started his own
sect within his home with many followers including young people. Before you
knew it he had twelve adult males who were part of his meeting and always with
him. When my abuela Toña saw this man with his twelve followers she became unimpressed
immediately and let my mama know that this man thought he was “Jesus” because he
had twelve men following him like the twelve diciples! It could be a
possibility that he was thinking he could imitate “Jesus” and have these twelve
followers with him at all times. When I speak to my mama about her past life
stories it is because I want to understand her role as a woman who made choices
that eventually would change her future. I am the second to the
youngest of six children and I want to keep my mama’s legacy alive with honor
and respect! My mama was not in any
means perfect but a lot was put on her shoulders to carry because of her
upbringing and the choices she made.
Este hombre, Abraham comenzó su
propia secta entonces en su casa con muchos seguidores y jóvenes y antes
saberlo ya él tenia doce seguidores hombre’s quienes eran parte de sus
reuniones. Cuando mi abuela Toña observar a este hombre y ha sus doce
seguidores, ella no estaba impresionada y le dijo a mi madre que Abraham se
creìa,” Jesus” porque tenia doce hombres como dicìpulos siguiendlo a el! Cuando
yo le pregunto a mi madre sus cuenta anécedotas de el pasado es porque quireo
entiender sus razones de elección de su vida y el papel como mujer y como su
futuro iba cambiar. Yo soy la penǜltima hija de seis hijos y escribe para
mantener viva y con honor el legado de mi madre! Mi madre no era perfecta, pero
tubo que cargar muchas repsonsabilidades de su crianza y las deciciones que
ella izo.
“The saddest people
I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all.
Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is
only temporary, because there’s nothing to make it last.”-Nicholas Sparks
This man was grooming my mama and knew
the plans he had up his sleeve, and my mama was not the first and would not be
the last of his grooming efforts on women! Abraham would always be close to my
mama using his older views and knowledge of studies to fish my mama in like a
professional fisher man. Since my mama decided to pursue New Age studies she
opened the doors for a lot of heartache that would follow her and her family. During
all these choices and changes my mama’s paper work to enter into the United
States was ready and the entrance to study at a university was also accepted.
My mama thought she would leave her life behind and be ready for a new chapter
but those dreams would be put to an immediate stop! Before my mama left
Honduras she was still involved in this sect lead by Abraham in his home and
many other things happened in that place to my mama. When my mama was in
Alabama studying she said it was time for her monthly menstruation and it did
not come down so she decided to take a pregnancy test and behold to her it came
out positive! My mama was only ninteen years old in the year of 1959 and it was
one of the hardest times in her life because she had to explain to her mother
about her pregnancy.
“Las personas más
tristes que he conocido son aquellas a las que no les importa nada en absolute.
La passion y la satisfacción van de la mano, y sin ellas, cualquier felicidad es
solo temporal, porque no hay nada que hacer en la ǜltima”.-Nicholas Sparks
Este hombre tenia en sus manga sus
planes acerca de mi madre, no era la primera ni la ǜltima a quien él seducirìa!
Abraham se acerbaba mas a mi madre, con sus conocimientos y experiencias como
un viejo pescador professional para pescar a mi madre. Desde que mi madre
estaba interesada en La Nueva Era, ella estaba abriendo las puertas para una
futura y dura vida para su familia. Durante este tiempo, los documentos para
entrar ha los Estados Unidos estaban preparados legalmente y su entrarada para
la universidad tambien. Mi madre dejo su vieja vida con nuevos horizontes, pero
muy pronto sus sueños se verìan parar inmediatamente! Antes que mi madre dejo
Honduras todavia era parte de el secto dirigado por Abraham en la casa de el y
en esa casa muchos cosas le pasaron a mi mama. Cuando mi madre estaba en la
Universidad de Alabama dice ella que era tiempo que le bajo su regla y no la
bajaba. Decidio hacerse la prueba de embarazo y le salio positivo! Mi madre
solo tenia 19 años en el ano 1959 y era un tiempo duro para ella porque era
necesario a explicarle ha su madre de su enbarazo.
While my mama was living in Alabama
her aunt Marie or Mary they called her lived there and her brother Pablo or
they called him Paul were the ones who took care of my mama. My great aunt was
a single woman and my great uncle was a married man with his own family. My
mama’s aunt and uncle were good to her and helped her in all that they could. For
my mom’s uncle and aunt it was a great surprise and very hard to take, it
created conflict, they did not know what steps to take and with discussions
they went back and forth, they planned, and advised. Since my mama felt that
she created these problems she made the decision to go back to Central America but
not Honduras but where it would be possible for her to return. Uncle Paul
bought my mama a plane ticket and got in touch with her parents. My mama returned to Honduras and Abraham was
waiting for her at the airport and he had taken her to a dumpy hotel near a
market. My mom wanted to see her mother so she told Abraham and he took her to
see my abuela Toñita and they discussed the problem at hand and my mama told
her mother that she would be going to El Salvador. Abraham and abuela Toña and
my mama traveled to El Salvador where Abraham’s father Don Abraham lived and he
left my mama at his home and this is where she started a new life!
Cuando mi madre vivia en Alabama
estaba ospedada con tia Marie o Mary y tio Pablo o Paul. La tia Mary era
soltera y el tio Paul estaba casado con su propia familia y cuidaban ha mi mama.
Los tios eran muy buenos con mi madre. Para los tìos aquella sorpresa
desagradable fue un golpe muy duro, ocasionó un gran conflicto, ellos no sabìan
que hacer, discutìan, planeaban, y aconsejaban. Al ver los problemas que mi
madre habìa ocasionado decidió regresar. Le dijo a sus tìos que se iba de
regreso, pero no ha Honduras, sino adonde fuera possible. Tìo Pablo compró el
boleto de regreso y se comunicó con los padres de mi mama. Mi madre regresó a
Honduras, Abraham la esperó en el aeropuerto, las llevo ha un hotelucho de mala
muerte cerca del mercado, mi madre le dijo que necesitaba ver ha su madre,
Abraham llevó a mi abuela Toñita. Mi madre y mi abuela hablaron del problema,
mi madre le dijo que se iba para El Salvador, asì que Abraham y mi madre
viajaron al Salvador y la dejo con su papá Don Abraham el viejito, en dondi
comenzó una nueva vida.
Sometimes the help from family
really does not help with that immediate problem at hand and their advice at
that heated and unpredictable moment could be unwelcome advice that could be
harmful, hurtful, and not forgetful. We are not sure how the advice came about
and what they thought would be best for my mama and her first unborn child. Their
were several advice's and one was to go to
a home for pregnant young women and give birth there and come home with
the child and the other was adoption. I believe all these suggestions were
given due to my mama still being a young lady, starting her college years, living
with her uncle and his wife, and the astigmatism that would be against her as a
young woman and also because she was a foreigner in Alabama. There was a time
also that the teachers at the university who were married could not even go to
work pregnant. There were many conflicts that my mama had to over come in
Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The family discussed the problem at hand in English, my
great uncle Pablo spoke fluent Spanish but was not permitted to speak in Spanish by his wife about there problem in his home and my mama at that time did not speak or
understand the English language. The intention was not on the fetus but on embarrassment
and persecution that the family felt they would be part of.
A veces la asistencia no realmente
ayuda con el problemas y el consejo en ese preciso momento puede ser dolorosa,
peligroso, e inolvidable. No sabemos come el consejo o suguerencias fueron
varias, una de haber sido internada en un hogar en donde permaneceria para dar luz ha su hija, regresar con ella ha casa o darla adopter. Luego los problemas de
porvenir eran varios una que mi madre era muy joven lista para la universidad,
en un estado como Alabama que descriminaban ha las madres solteras o que fueran
alumnas embrazadas. Ni las maestras podìan ir embrazadas aunque fueren casadas.
Todos estos fueron conflictos para la familia de mi madre en Tuscaloosa,
Alabama. La familia discutìa el problema en inglés, mi tio Pablo que hablaba
bien español no le permitìa hablar español en la casa por su esposa ni mucho
menos dicutir ningǜn problema con mi madre quien no entendìa ni hablaba inglés.
El problema no estaba centralizado en el ser viviente que estaba en gestación
pero en el orgullo, verguenza y persecusìon que la familia serìa sometida por
tener jovencita embarazada o con hija.
“When you are a
mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to
think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”-Sofia Loren
My abuelo Rodolfo was a man who
also was not happy and not in agreement with my mama’s choice of interest in
that sect and was not happy with this adult individual, Abraham. The
relationship with my mama and her padres was becoming more distant and no one
was able to communicate with each other until one day my mama just left her
home to become part of this sect with the other youth. Before my mama understood
what was happening little by little life’s problems started to reel her in and
she became stuck and could not get out and she never thought that she would be
one of his conquering subjects. This man Abraham already had his mistresses
before my mama entered his life and they were located in the neighborhoods he
lived around and paraded. When it was
time to leave the meeting he would leave either with my mama or with the other young
people involved in that sect together. He would take advantage of these young
people and have hand written notes ready for his neighborhood mistresses and he
would give them to my mama or others in the group and he would instruct them to
go knock on the door of these women and give them the notes. These women were
married and the other young people would knock on the door and give these notes
to these women. My mama thought of this strange and she mama never opened the
notes to read them because he was never far away looking at my mama giving the
note to the woman who was a lawyer and a writer of poems. Before my mama
entered this man’s world he was a prideful individual who also used people to
get whatever he wanted and it did not matter who was involved and who he hurt.
My mama ended up going forward in this man’s life like a huge tsunami that kept
dragging her in and trying to destroy her conscience and her future.
“Cuando tǜ eres una
madre, en realidad tǜ nunca estás sola en tus pensamientos, tienes que pensar
dos veces por ti misma y por tus hijos”.-Sofia Loren
Mi abuelo Rodolfo no estuvo feliz y
en acuerdo con la decision de mi madre y en esa secta y con ese individual,
Abraham. La relacion contra mi mama y sus padre’s era mas distante y la
comunicacion entre ellos tambien. La comunicación de mi madre con sus padres se
fue distanciando mucho más con su padres hasta que un dìa dejó su hogar para
llegar ha ser parte de esa pequeña comunidad que Abraham habìa organizado
sonsacar ha un grupo de jóvenes. Antes que mi madre sabia poco a poco los
problemas de la vida la atrearon ha mi madre y nunca pensó que ella llegarìa a
ser una de las conquistas de él! Este hombre Abraham ya tenia sus amantes antes
que mi madre entro ha la vida de el y las mujeres estaban localizadas en el
vecindario de el adonde el desfelia. Cuando era tiempo para dejar las juntas
este hombre si iba con los jovenes y mi madre y usaba a los jovenes para que
tocan la puerta de sus amantes y que les de sus notitas a las amantes que
estaban casadas. Mi mama pensaba que eso era raro pero nunca abrio las notas
porque el hombre siempre estaba vijilandola a ella. La notita era para una
mujer que era abogada y escribia poemas.
Este hombre era en su vida muy orgulloso que usuaba ha la jente para lo
que el quieria y no le enportaba ha quein afectaba y hacer dano.
My
grandmother did not want to communicate with my grandfather Rodolfo that his
daughter was no longer in the United States but in El Salvador she was afraid
of the violent reaction my grandfather would have when he found out that my
mama was pregnant with Abraham’s child. But my mama’s aunt and uncle had
already notified my grandfather of the situation and my grandfather than would
go visit Abraham’s home frequently looking for answers on the where about's of
my my mama and Abraham. But Abraham’s family did not know what was going on
either because Abraham did not them what he had done. My
grandfather I believe was hurt and confused because his wife and his child kept
something very important from him. But my abuelo Rodolfo was a drinker and the
family was trying to avoid a violent war between families and any more
misunderstandings. My abuelo passed away abruptly and violently and was
“Never” able to see his daughter again and was not able to meet his
grandchildren who were part of his German heritage who were born white, blue
eyes, colored eyes, and blonde hair. My madre left her life of opportunities in
the United States to give birth to her first child Alba Artemisa, and not long
after she decided to stay involved with the famous Abraham and they gave birth
to twins, Dolly Afrodita, Rodolfo Lohengric, than Elias Alfonso, and than here
comes me, “Surprise” Odette who is the one writing my mom’s biography of her
life.
Mi abuela no quizo comunicarle ha mi
abuelo Rodolfo que su hija ya no estaba en Estados Unidos sino en El Salvador,
mi abuela tenia miedo de la reacción violenta que podrìa causarle esa noticia,
con su hija preñada de Abraham. Pero mis tìos desde Estados Unidos le
informaron de las situación, entonces mi abuelo Rodolofo visitaba con frecuencia
la casa de Abraham indagando del paradero e mi madre, pero los familiares de
Abraham no sabìan naday el Abraham mismo nunca le dijo nada. Creo que abuelo
estaba erido y confuso porque mi madre y mi abuela guardaron algo bien inportante de el. Pero mi
abuelo Rodolfo era bebador y la familia estaba previdiendo una guerra violente
entre familias y mas malentendidos. Mi abuelo, muriendo violentamente sin haber
visto “Nunca” más ha su hija y sin haber concocido ha sus nietos que
representaban ha su familia aleman porque las niñas y el niño que habìan nacido
con ojos azules, ojos de colores, blancos, y rubios. Mi madre dejo Estados
Unidos, el paìs de las oportunidades para dar a luz a su primer hija Alba
Artemisa, y muy pronto suguìa envuelta con el famoso Abraham y preñada con
gemelos Dolly Afrodita, Rodolfo Lohengric, y Elias Alfonso, y duepues alli viene
otra “Sorpresa,” Odette, la que escribe mi biographia de mi vida!
“Hardships often
prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.”-C. S. Lewis
With the pregnancy and being in the
United States my mama was very stressed out a lot and the stress level became
higher when she had to tell her family. All the dreams for my mama had to be
put on on hold for a while. The fetus itself had nothing to do with making
choices whether to keep the child or not the choice became clear to bare the
burden and carry the child and continue life. But the choice to tell her papa
was another story! My abuelo was not doing well because he was drinking too
much and making unwise and unhealthy mistakes. He had anger already towards
Abraham that was a volcano rising in him ready to explode. My mom made the
decision not to return to Honduras, she was picked up at the airport and went
to a hotel first and met with her mama to speak about her decisions to move to
El Salvador. My abuela Toña decided that she would not give bad news to my
abuelo at this time.
“Las pruebas y
tribulaciones preparan a la gente ordinaria a llegar a tener un destino
estraordinario”.-C.S. Lewis
Mi madre, unas vez en Estado
Unidos, estaba muy estrezada al descubrir que estaba embarazada y que tenia que
comuncarle su estado de preñez a su familia. Todos sus sueños tuvieron que
poseponerse. Era muy claro que si querìa tener su hija o no, tenia que
cargarla y continuar su vida. Pero la decision de decirle ha su padre fué una
historia diferente! Ya él estaba enojado con Abraham y como un volcán listo
para explotar. Cuando mi madre regresó ha Honduras, Abraham la recogió al aeropuerto
y la llevó ha un hotelucho en donde se mirarìa con su madre, para notificarle
que decidìa no regresar a Honduras y que se iba para El Salvador. Mi abueal
Toña decidió no darle las malas noticias a mi abuelo.
Since my mama made the effort to
stay in the relationship with this man and try to continue a family with him she
also made the choice not to respond to her dad because of fear, embarrassment,
anger, and to avoid a war that could have occurred between individuals and the
opportunity to see her dad ever again would be lost for ever in this world! At
her dad’s funeral she was not able to make it to the funeral or even see his
body for the last time in the casket. The Honduran air-force donated the land
and casket where my abuelo was buried. The people spoke of hundreds of people
attending the funeral and carrying the casket to the cemetery to show their
respect and appreciation for his service in Honduras. Also they said that the
air-force flew planes over the cemetery in honor of my grandfather.
Desde
que mi madre hizo el esfuerzo de continuar relaciones y formar una familia con
este hombre, también decidió no comonicarse con su padre por meido ha que él
tomara represalia por enojo y vergǜenza, y para evitar la guerra entre dos
individuos, NUNCA más volvió a ver ha su padre en esta vida otra vez! Ni
siquiera en el ataǜd proque no llegó a teimpo para participar en el sepelio. La
fuerza aérea hondureña por la menos donó el terreno y el ataǜd y
llevaron ha mi abuelo hasta el ataǜd en donde fue sepultado. La gente hablaba
de la procesión de cienes de personas que cargaron el ataǜd y llevaron a mi
abuelo hasta el cementerio como respeto y agradecimeinto al servicio que mi
abuelo Rodolfo hizo al pueblo hondureño, también las gentes le contaban a mi
madre que los aviones de la fuerza aérea volaron sobre el cementerio e hicieron
salvas en honor a mi abuelo.
My mama and her family did receive
a pension from the Honduran air-force only for a short while. My abuela had
plans to find work, but before it you knew it the air-force took that miserable
pension away after my abuelo’s funeral. My abuela was using some of this
pension to send to my mama to El Salvador till she was able to find a job. All the efforts my grandfather gave to the Honduran
air-force only made him suffer because he was not able to be part of the family
due to demands. When you are in the military your duties come first! Many times
he wanted to get out but men in suits would come to the home and insist on his
return to the air-force that left him stressed and used. On some occasions my abuela would tell stories that my abuelo
would stay at home stressed out and some officials would go to the home to visit, like a Mr. Barnes, and others to give my grandfather support to
continue his duties and to put on his uniform. At my grandfather’s funeral a
young lady showed up out of no where and claimed that she was my grandfather’s daughter
and we have not heard any thing from this individual since. My abuela never
remarried and helped my mama raise her kids when she finally decided to leave Abraham
who did not want to be part of my mama’s life or his kids! My abuela traveled to El Salvador to take part in taken care of her grandchildren while my mam worked in a school. Before you knew it
Abraham and my mama were strangers and some of my brothers and sisters only saw
him on occasions or stayed with him for short period of times and the others he
said that they were not his biological offspring! So my mama finally decided to return to her country Honduras and started she started working for the government.
La pension de unos cuantos lempiras que le deban ha mi abuelo
Rodolfo, me abuela Toña se la mandaba ha mi madre ha El Salvador meintras ella
estarìa lista para trabajar. Pero esa miserable pension se la quitaron a mi
abuela Toña una vez mi abuelo murió y cuando una persona esta en la militaria
la obligacion primero es el trabajo. Aun
con todos los sacrificios que mi abuelo hizo para la Fuerza
Aérea, incluyendo el tiempo que no dedicaba a su familia por la demanda que la
responsabilidad del servicio militar y civil le imponìan. En algunas
ocasiones, mi abuela contaba, que mi abuelo se quedaba en casa, estresado,
algunos oficiales, como el senor Barnes y otros venìan ha visitarlo, ha darle
apoyo, y ha segerirle ponerse su uniforme y presentarse ha trabajar. Un anécdota muy importatne durante el funeral
de mi abuelo Heller, segǜn mi abuela compartìa, fue la presencia de una dama
que dijo ser hija de mi abuelo, desde entonces no se supo mas de ella. Mi
abuela nunca establació maritales con ningǜn otro hombre. Ella se dedicó a
cuidarnos. Viajó al El Salvador en donde nos cuidaba mientras mi madre
trabajaba en una escuela. Abraham y mama ya eran estranjeros y algunos de mis hermonas y hermanas lo conocerion por poco tiempo y ha los otros el dijo que no eran ninos biolojicos de el. Después cuando mi madre decidió separarse de Abraham
se regresó ha su paìs natal en Honduras y mientras tanto comenzó ha trabajar para
el govierno y mi abuela continuaba cuidándonos.
I’m
not sure what my mother felt for this man and why she stayed with him. Was it love or some type of infatuation? Many
couples stay together for their kids and the sake of wanting to be part of a
family structure and it ends up falling apart while others stay intact. It
really did break apart the family structure rather than make it stronger to a
certain point. Some of my brothers and sisters remember him because they spent
time with him only for a short time while others were told that they were not
his biological off spring by him and repeated to us by his other family also. As a result my
brothers and sisters did not grow up with a strong
foundation where a man could have been an example to be a leader and support us
morally and economically like a family should. There are no excuses for a
womanizer who not only had other children before we appeared in the picture but
he also had children with other women while he had his first set of kids and eventually he finally forgot the existence of his off any of his spring. Finally Abraham left
with another woman he was having an affair with who was a salvadoreña with a
good financial status. He met this woman in El Salvador and left with her to
Europe because she would be able to take care of him financially. The excuse he
used was that he was going on a scholarship to study in Europe so he left all responsibilities
of fatherhood he had with multiple woman to continue to pursue his desires.
No estoy segura cuales eran los sentimientos de mi madre
para ese hombre y porque continuaba con él. Serìa enfatuación? Muchas parajes
continǜan juntas por los hijos porque desean que ellos tengan una estructura
familiar, mientras ésta continǜa intacta otras se desmoronan en vez de
reforzarla. Algunos de mis hermanon y hermanas recuerdan ha Abraham porque
pasaron más teimpos con él mientras a otros nos dijo que no éramos
sus hijos biológicos y estas tambien la otra familia de el dijo que no eramos de el. De resultado, no crecimos con una fundación estructural
familiar, en donde ese hombre no fue la cabeza del hogar sin darnos apoyo moral
y económico como familia. Abraham era un mujeriego, que tubo hijos con
diferentes mujeres, llegó al punto de olvidarse de nuestra existencia. Cuando
éramos niños y vivìamos en Honduras, se fue a Europa con una señora salvadoreña
de buenos recursos económicos, ha quien conoció cuando vivìa con mi madre en El
Salvador y quien lo apoyarìa financieramente mientras vivieran allá en Europa.
Se fue diciendo que iba ha estudiar con beca, mientras dejaba la responsibilidad
de dos grupos de hijos con dos diferentes mujeres.
Trials in life make us choose a
path that either holt's us from moving forward and changes us. We can become angry,
ungrateful, or confused. We start asking our self if we are worthy enough to
be part of a family and if we can break bondage's that have entered into our
families from generation to generation than we start searching for hope and love
in all the wrong places. But there is a hope that we feel and that pulls us towards a sense of worthiness because our Savior has helped us
over come obstacles that have deterred us from over coming that pain and
darkness inside of us.
Las pruebas y tribulaciones de la vida nos conducen ha
escogar pasos que por un lado quiza nos conduzca por malos senderos de odio,
ingratitude, y confusion. Nos paramos ha preguntarnos si vale la pena ser parte
de esta familia o is tenemos que romper con la esclavitud que entró a nuestras
familias por generaciones, y luego empezamos a buscar esperanza y amor en
lugares erroneous, por otro lado el sentimiento de valor nos ayuda ha saltar los
valladares por medio de nuestro Salvador que nos ha dado forteleza para curar
nuestro dolor y obscuridad en que hemos vivido.
I am grateful for my life because I
have seen my mother over come obstacle after obstacle. What ever pain continues
to appear our way or what ever happiness will appear I will have to embrace it.
I know we live in a falling world and there are things we do not understand and
will not understand until it is time to go home. It will be difficult one day
when my mama is no longer here, she will pass just as my ancestors did, and
then it will be her children’s turn to pass into another existence that awaits
us with open arms. My mama one day will go home and she will see her parents whom
she misses but we will continue in the present time to hear all the funny and
sad stories that my mama tells us and carry those memories and tell them to our
children and they will tell them to their children.
Estoy
agradecia por mi vida porque he visto a mi madre saltar los obstáculos.
Cualquier herida que venga ha entorpecer nuestra felicidad sabre
enfrentarla. Sé que vivimos en un mundo
que se esta cayendo y que hay cosas que las entenderé hasta que sea el
tiempo de if ha casa. Será muy difìcil cuando mi madre ya no esté aquì, ella
pasará como mis ancestros se fueron a otras existencias donde nos esperan con
brazos abiertos. Mi madre un dìa se irá ha su casa en donde se encontrará con
sus padres ha quines extraña, pero continuará viviendo en el presente con sus
historias tristes y chistosas que nos ha contado y que han de servir como
memorias para nuestros hijos y nietos.
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family"-Benjamin Franklin
"Los momentos mas felices de mi vida han sido los pocos en donde he pasado en la alma del hogar con mi familia."-Benjamin Franklin
"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert."-Isaiah 43:18, 19
"No os ocordeis de las cosas pasadas, ni traigias a memoria las cosas antiguas. He aqui que yo hago cosa neuva; pronto saldra a luz; no la conocereis? Otra vez abrire camino en el desierto, y rios en la soledad."-Isaias 43:18, 19
