"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you"-Maya Angelou
As I am drinking a cup of hot tea a dark roast Yerba Mate on Wednesday, February 18, 2015 at 0727 pm my thoughts are on how to start my book by blogging about it. I really wanted to start this blog as soon as I could but time has gotten away from me. This 2015 my mama will turn 75. Wow just to even think about her age is over whelming. My mama is the only living family member from her immediate familia. My mama was born in Central America. Well where is Central America? Well it consist of seven countries Belize, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, Costa Rica, and Panama. My mama was born in the capital of Tegucigalpa, Honduras one of many children but only three survived. Antonia Engracia Garcia Cortes was my abuelita born June 06, 1902 married to my abuelo Rodolfo Carl Heller Bartel May 30, 1909 a German born in San Ramon, Costa Rica! My abuelita had many children who passed when they were babies and we really don't know the cause. At that time the documentation was not good and when events like that happened that altered your life no one spoke of them or wrote them down. Their were also twins that passed but the survivors were my two uncles Carlos Alberto Heller Garcia, Bruno Conrado Heller Garcia, and of course my mama Ernestine Modesta Heller Garcia. As I will write in my blog I will be writing "la verdad" about every thing. There will be happiness, secrets, funny, unusual things, miracles, betrayal, cruelty, hate, jealousy, death, ignorance, and murder.
Today is February 20, 2015 and I again started my blog with a cup of tea a dark roast Yerba Mate. Five more days till my mama turns 75 years old. Thinking back on her life span it seems my mama has lived a life time of hardships, adventures, hardships, joys, hardships! And it continues! As a child my mama felt loved by her padres till one day things just were not the same any more. My abuelita was a full born Hispanic woman and from the Mayan people is where she and her familia descended. She was tanned and had dark eyes. My abuelo was a Caucasian German a tall man with blues eyes and he was in the Airforce in Toncontin. How in the world did my abuelos meet? I would have loved to have been there. Two individuals from two very contrasting back grounds.
Today is February 21, 2015 and no tea right now but just drinking a cup of black coffee. Today my mama texted me some information on her parents. I have wondered how these two individuals ever met. My mama said that my abuelita her mother and a friend worked as cooks at the restaurant at the air force or airport. And this is how my abuelos met. My mama said her mother was a very attractive woman who was a color of a light tan very large eyes and a large nose more pointed than anything. She had sensual lips arched eye brows and one eye brow would lift and dark hair that was slightly wavy. She had pretty legs, nice butt, and a good size breast! This I know is true because some of my sister's chest are very large in size! I have decided that for my mama's birthday I will order her a DNA test to see what surprises will come about for our famalia.
So today is February 23, 2015 and last night I ordered my mama's DNA test. I did not have time today to make me some tea because as soon as I made it home I took my handsome grand bebe and took care of him. My mama as a child remembers the stories from her mother. My abuela was a harsh woman but when you look back to any families roots and try to understand why she was like that you have a more understanding of the pain, anger, sadness, and joy that she carried. My abuelas papas were from San Matias, Francisco Morazan, Honduras. My abuelas papas were huge land owners with many types of live stock. My mama has been trying to remember the name of the mountains where her mother grew up. Well she finally remembered and they are called the mountains of Botija. And these mountains are near the border of Nicaragua. I will try to obtain pictures of this forest-mountain region. So maybe this is where my abuelas papas were from. In that time the women were still considered women that needed not to attend schools or after their parents passed that the women were not in line to get any land for inheritance.
Today is February 27, 2015 a Friday. I was just speaking to my mama on the phone and we were discussing the DNA test . So she will come over tomorrow drop some of her saliva in the tube and we will mail it off. It takes about four to six weeks to get results. Hopefully it will be sooner than six weeks. When we were in Central America in July 2014 that was the first time I went back since I was six months pregnant with my second child and my daughter was three. I wanted my three year to meet her bisabuela and I wanted to see my abuela before she passed because we all new the time was near. At that time I was going to stay about a month but I ended up leaving within two weeks. This is another story that I will eventually write about.
My mama is a very eccentric! She was I believe different from her youth growing up and was not really to embarrassed to try new things. My abuela had my mom in activities in school and had her study in a way that we would probably call it abuse now. My abeula raised my mama and her brothers almost on her own. My abuelo was in the airforce and a busy man in his own endeavors of the airforce life. So my abuela would make my mom get up about 0400am in the morning in order to start studying before her day at school began. My mama would have to recite and memorize walking back and forth. My mama eventually became a straight "A" student and participated in many activities. My abuela had three children and her hands were full. One of my uncles Carlos Alberto Heller Garcia was a hand full and ended up with a disability. He ended up with Polio! What my mama does not remember if he had it before they started giving the drops for polio or did he get it after. So we really don't know the truth about this part of that history because we know that at that time children just started coming down with polio and also the adults were getting polio. But the adults were passing away while the children were more stronger and lived. I will have to investigate this more. Also Carlos ended up with many mental problems that would also turn my mamas life into really a living hell! Below I have added an article of my abuelo Rodolfo Heller Bartel whom my mama looks like.
Hello today is February 28, 2015 and I have been doing a little correcting on what I have written so far and also adding some new information on my familia. Today my mama was here at my home and she did her DNA test. I will mail it off Monday the 30th. It will be exciting to see the results. So what I decided to tell my mama was about my blog and read to her so far what I have written. She said it was really good. When my mama was a child and her mother made her get up so early before school it was because she wanted her to be prepared for an education and not be like she was uneducated and taken advantage of. When my abuela was growing up they did not have a school for her so if you had money you would pay a private teacher to teach your children. Because the family was well off my abuelas papa sent her to a private teacher. When my abuela would go to school the teacher abused her and took advantage of her. Instead of the education she was promised the teacher would make my abuela leave school and sell her bread! So after a while my abuela would skip classes and go to the river that around the mountains. One day her papa found this out and was furious at my abuela. Some one who knew what was going on tried to explain to her papa but he would not hear of it. So her punishment was no education! She would have to take care of the goats and any other land animals and she would have to round them up. If they got lost she was to go find them and some of the animals would fight her so she would fight them back in order to get them back to their land. I believe this was the opening of my abuelas very hard life and the demeanor she would carry all the time would become of an untrusting angry woman who felt abused and unloved by the ones who were suppose to protect her.
Hello, hola, halo.....Today March 5, 2015 a Thursday cold weather, snow, and ice. Every thing has been closed. My job also...yeah! Today I napped more than I was suppose to but it was well deserved. Going back to my familia I have searched through all of my pictures to see if I had a copy of my abuelas picture at her papas funeral but I don't have a copy so I will need to obtain it from my mama. When I scanned all my ancestry pictures (that will be another story) I also scanned pictures of my bisabuelo in his casket opened. These will be pictures that I will put up soon. My abuela Antonia Engracia Garcia Cortes was nicknamed "Tona" and had seven brothers and sisters. My abuelo Rodolfo Carl Heller Bartel, I believe had eight brothers and sisters. There is some confusion on names some we have and we know exactly who they are and others I am still working on. For my abuela I believe I only have a picture of her and none of her brothers and sisters. Documentation is so important of your family or it is forgotten. I look back at my abuelos familias and see that they are gone from this world that is not our home. Now it is our turn to make this trip to eternity! It is super easy in this busy world to put a stop on familia and not to note things down like writing in your journal, making sure you name the person on the picture with name and birth-date. In order for us to know where we came from even if it is difficult we need to share it with our familia. In my familia the pain is so deep that your breathing gets heavier and a sadness burdens you!
Hola, hello, halo, today is March 22, 2015 a Sunday 1059am. So above I have added a picture and the young man with the dark hair is my abuelita's brother Francisco Garcia Cortes. The person in the casket is my abuela's father Juan Buenaventura Garcia Amador. My mama says that the independence in Honduras was written by our ancestors but who really knows! There is a sadness in this picture with my abuelita standing over the "ataud" or coffin of her father. I will add a new picture with my abuelita standing behind the casket. Currently I am still waiting on my mama's ancestry DNA test. It is taken a long time! They received the test on February 27, 2015 but it was not processed till March 09, 2015 so it has taken a good while to get some results. Hopefully this week will be the week to get the results and I will be able to let you all know.
Saludos, every one. Today is March 29, 2015 a Sunday afternoon. I have not written in my blog since March 22, 2015. I have been checking on my mama's ancestry results and finally got them this week and also I have been trying to come up with title to my familia's story. I'm having a hard time in that department and if I keep trying to come up with a title I will never continue to write this blog. One of my task is to get my mama to translate in Spanish my blog. Any ways, I feel some of my ancestry results would give more answers to my familia's history of why we are so different but also have the same attributes. When I was a young one I would tell my family I cannot be related to these people especially my mama! I always have considered my self as adopted or just found some where! Even when I would look at my birth certificate I still did not believe it...jejeje. So the saga continues and the ancestry results state: I have a shared ancestor and the possible range is: Parent, child-immediate family member! Confidence: Extremely High! So I have had the results for about a week now and I was surprised that I had more American Indian than my mama. I really thought since it was taken for ever to receive the results that my mama would have more Native American Indian/Indigenous Indian since her mom is from the Mayan people. My mama has a higher percentage of European than I do. I have 33% Native American my mama only has 24%. I have 55% European and my mama has 68% European. My mama looks just like her papa the only difference are the color of the eyes. My abuelos eyes are blue my mama's are brown. So I understand why she got a high percentage of European.
Hola, hello, halo...Today is April 03, 2015 Passover Friday. I have posted my mama's ethnicity results. It is very interesting and I feel it tells me a lot about my familia. We have a tremendous amount of European. I am very surprised at how high the percentage is for my mama. When some of my sisters go to Central America many people refuse to pass them as some one born there. My mama when she was a child had many run ins with no one excepting her as she was because of her father. Many people from Germany left and escaped to different countries because they did not want to be part of a gruesome legacy that was about to happen with the extermination of the Jews. I have discovered so far any one with the name "Heller" is related to us because my bisabuelo was the first in Tegucigalpa with some of his family. I have heard we also have Jewish blood but I will need to locate more information on this. My mama said she was teased and called many ugly names like Hitler! People are nasty no matter where you are from. She had to defend her self many times and when she became a mother and had her children there would be more defending because of much jealousy and envy. My sisters and brothers looked different. Tall, light skin, colored eyes, blond hair that changed when they were older to darker features. But this will be a different blog about my siblings!
Buenas tardes, hello to day is April 19, 2015 a Sunday night, rainy, 67 degrees, windy, and a little chilly. I'm drinking my night time beverage Jasmine hot green tea with honey added. My time has not allowed me to blog on a daily basis like I would love to do. I work out side of the home and I have responsibilities that do not allow me to be more active in my familia's history. My mama has a memory that is unbelievable. There are many things I hardly remember from below the age of maybe five. There are bits and pieces I do remember and my mind does not allow me to remember the rest. I feel for my self I was put in many situations that I had no choice in, so my remembrance is fogged. I was left in Central America as a baby and did not really meet my mama till I was almost a kindergartner! Weird, but very true. My mama remembers as a toddler that her mother would have to literally tie a rope around her because she would always disappear. She would be able to slide under the smallest opening and get out into this unpredictable world. My mama said many times she got out and her neighbors would bring her back to her mother. My abuela was almost a single mom. My abuelo would travel with his job in the Honduran air-force. This made it difficult for my abuela trying to rear three children. Two boys and the oldest a girl, my mama! By the time my mama was born so much had happened in my abuelos life. My abuelo started drinking and my mama remembers violence only when alcohol was involved and only between my abuelos. My mama states that her papa never put his hands on her and when he was sober he was a great abuelo. My abuela would have to raise her children, put up with raising the kids on her own while getting back lashes from her brothers and sisters, raising a son who contracted Polio, and was becoming violent, and realizing that her husband was not there and becoming a different person. My abuela had to defend her self and family from her jealous brothers and sisters, while protecting her children on her own, trying to protect the family from alcohol abuse and her own son's violent behavior. My mama said she only met her abuela on her mama's side one time! She smiled at my mom but there was a problem with my abuela Tona and her mom.
Hello today is July 20, 2015 a Monday that was 93 degrees and felt like it was over 100 degrees with an unbelievable humidity level! I am relaxing a little before bed and drinking my Earl Gray black tea. I know my blogging has not in any means been consistent but I will be able to focus more on it soon. One of my things that I work on a lot also is my ancestry. I have researched, I have gotten German letters translated to English, I have scanned pictures and have added names to them, I have researched inconsistencies from my families records, I have found so many things I believe I can keep writing for ever about it. But some paper work I am having a hard time obtaining is from my grandfather Rodolfo (Rudolf) Carl Bartel Heller and my abuelita Antonia Engracia Garcia Cortes. The reason is in Central America they were behind on technology and recording some one's family history was really never written unless you were baptized in the church and than it would be documented. It was spoken about to a certain point but there was so much pain and embarrassment affiliated with the family that no one wanted to even hardly speak of it. So every one would only get pieces of the stories. When you started hearing the stories you just did not want to continue with the conversation because of so much grief of what was being said, so the conversation would stop. My abuelos had their paper work put up and organized but when my abuelo would start drinking he would take what ever paper work and all the pictures and run off with it in his drinking rant. Little by little pictures and papers would be lost! We did have a painting of my abuelos in their younger years. It always hung in the living room at their home in Central America. During renovation of the home my mama had family help her move and pack and also have some people help that she really did not know. Note, my mama did a lot of this in her life time opening doors to people who were bad news! During the moving process my mama states this older man looked at the painting and said you need to get rid of that picture because it is satanic. Well my mom states that she looked at him crazy and carried on with the duties of packing and moving things to my cousins house in Comayagua, Honduras. Instead of dismissing this individual he continued to help move the belongings. Well the picture has disappeared with intense searching in all boxes it has not shown up. This is part of what has happened with my familia no common sense on who enters your life and home! Did he steal and destroy this picture or did he hide it? Who knows till it is located again or never located.
Hello..hola..halo..Today is September 19, 2015 0928pm. I have read over my blog and made some corrections and added some more information before I continued to type. As I have mentioned before that I am working on my ancestry intensely and most days I have located intense information. I knew my abuelo Rodolfo Carl Heller Bartel was born in Costa Rica and I already had information on him but I could not find his actual birth certificate. My mama did not have any of this information due to so many papers that were lost. I want to start of with my abuelo's familia. They were originally from Germany. My bisabuelos name was Paul Karl Ernst Theodor Heller born March 30, 1874 in Angermunde, Germany. In Germany they had very long names just as the Hispanic/Latino people do. I was intrigued with this. Family names kept and passed on from generation to generation. A military man he was and an Civil Engineer. He met his wife ( wish I knew where and when and how) named Marie Karolina Luise Ernestine Bartel born March 17, 1873 in Hannover, Germany. They entered the United States on to New York and were married there. My bisabuelos than moved to Costa Rica to start a life there. My bisabuelo Paul got a contract to work in the mines than later another contract building roads in Costa Rica and I believe also from my bisabuela we knew to be called by Ernestine (who my mama is named after) would be in some type of missionary work. Seven children were born six in Costa Rica and one in La Venta, Honduras (my abuelo's middle name Carl was not with a K as in father Karl ). Below I have added plano de Sta. Barbara Julio 1915 by my great grandfather Paul C. Heller.
Halo..Hello..Hola...here at home drinking some tea a mix of my Lemon Balm tea that I have grown and dried with a mix of Orange Pekoe tea and eating cinnamon sugar cookies. Trying to take advantage of blog because I will return to work soon. My abuelo was born in Cartago, Costa Rica May 30, 1900 at 0900pm. My bisabuela Ernestine had her kids every year and than the last one was born like seven years later in La Venta, Honduras. My abuelo Rodolfo was in the air force and I believe was very young when he entered the military in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. My abuelo attended the Normal School for boys in Honduras. There is a picture of the school in the Library of Congress but I am not sure if he is one of the individuals on the picture. Below I have added a copy of the picture of boys who attended the Normal School for boys in Honduras. We are not quite sure what he was involved in when he was in the air-force. But he was a pilot and taught others to fly in the Toncontin air-force. My mama was over at my home last Saturday and we started talking about things that happened to her when she was little with her familia. By the time my mama was the older she started having a growing family and two more brothers were born. The home my mother lived in was already paid for and they had the bill of sale paperwork stating "Paid In Full". My mama remembers my abuelos garage full of all his tools that he used to make different types of car parts and he was very neat and organized. They had a nice old vintage cars and those are the cars my abuelo would make parts for and would sell them. I'm not sure if he would patent them or not but in those days people would not think to patent their creations and there was to much trust in otheres who than stole the creations made by others. But we understand my abuelo made so many things for cars and planes and maybe also he also worked with the Wright Brothers. But I do not have any proof of that at the moment! Other than here say from familia, especially his sister the last to die in 2003 Margarita Marie Heller Bartel, but we called her Tia Mary who than married a Thomas but did not stay married long and divorced. Below are the pictures of my great grandfather Paul Karl Ernst Theodor Heller and my great grandmother Marie Katerina Luise Ernestine Bartel both born in Germany.
Hola..hello..halo..today is the fifth day of Fall 2015. The weather is nice in the afternoon while all the leaves are starting to fall and the skies are not as blue with some rainy showers and chilly when night fall comes around. As I am writing this September 27, 2015 a Sunday I feel "triste" due to a heart breaking departure that happened three days ago. But I have to finish what I started on my blog. So here we go with a familia's story of truth, sadness, heart break, nauseousness, laughter, lonesomeness, anger, hate, jealousy, togetherness, and lots of separation. My mama whose name is after my bisabuela Ernestine but is also known as Gina, instead of Tina. The same name shortened from Ernestine but in Spanish the T sounds like a H but it was spelled with a G instead of it looking like this Hina. Yes confusing and crazy at the same time! What my mama remembers is Perpetuo Socorro Barrio near Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Perpetuo Socorro is Our Lady of Perpetual Help. My mama remembers that she also had German neighbors whose last names were Uller, Erler, and Geler who owned their homes and many businesses in Honduras. As my mama is growing up in a safe environment and her mom is at home taking care of the children and the home there comes a knock on the door. My abuela Antonia answers and a man has parked his car out front and as the door is opened he stands there very raw with out any compassion towards what he was about to do. This man's nickname was "Tecolote" was wearing nice sharp clothing and driving a nice vehicle that was a 1940's look, it was either a ford of Chevrolet."Tecolote"looks at my abuela Antonia and takes out a folded paper out of his front pocket jacket and opens it, reads it, to my abuela and states the dwelling she is living in is now his property and he is their to confiscate it! The translation for"Tecolote"is Owl. So you can imagine a wide eyed man whose eyes are always looking around to see what others have and are doing. And "Tecolote" was there to be the eyes probably for the dirty gangs, government, or the corrupt police!
"Stories have to be told or they die, we can't remember who we are or why we're here."-Sue Monk Kidd
Hello..hola..halo...today is November 7, 2015 a Saturday 0809 pm. Today I will continue to write about my familia and of course some of my mother's life. As I am writing this blog I have in my thoughts how my mama has always been a hard working woman and still is at 75 years old and still teaching full time as a school teacher. Wow most people her age are retired. But she is still kicking with energy and eccentric as always! Well as I was telling you about "Tecolote" I was also speaking to my mom about the Internment of Germans from Latin America and Honduras whom had the majority of its Germans who were already citizens kicked out and put into what was called the War Relocation Authority program (WRA) to get control of the enemy alien's who were in their countries. I really feel bad for my familia who left Germany for a better life and from its troubles to enter into another country just to labeled as the enemy again! We know in history not all Germans were killers or involved with the massacre of innocent humans! As my abuelita Tona is getting this horrific news from this man no where in sight is my abuelo my mama's dad. As the family prepares for the move from where my mama and her siblings were by packing only what they could take in large "canastas" with tops and leaving behind all they knew and had no power to fight for what was theirs must have been devastating to my abuela Tona. Now at that time about maybe 1945 to 1947 my tio Carlos already as a child contracted polio and where they lived in Perpetuo Socorro they had there own private doctor's office that they would go for all of their health issues there and of course especially for my tio's Polio. The name of the private clinic was La Policlinica with Doctor Paredes located not in the barrio Guamilito where they lived but in Comoyagua. But this luxury would not be a something that they would any longer be able to have and enjoy. My mama states her dad did appeared and they were all together as a family on their way to the Coast North of Honduras in San Pedro Sula to my abuelos Rodolfo family members home. The family were the Bartels. The Bartles were also German and they are my bisabuela Ernestine familia because she is a Bartel. The home was Clara Bartel my abuela's cousin who my mom describes as a beautiful, tall, long legged fair woman with beautiful long blond hair. Rodolfo Bartel was Clara's Bartel dad and my bisabuelas brother and my mama and her familia would stay there a short while till they decided on the next step. The next step would be to go to Puerto Cortes to stay at a hotel for a while. Also when my mama and her familia entered into the Coast of Honduras to Puerto Cortes on a train hurricane season would be among them and my mama states she will not forget it. Below I have added a picture of my abuela Antonia and tio Carlos, or Charle, they also would call him and also him as a growing boy with an unkown child maybe a neighbor. The barrio where my mama lived called Guamilito was a very nice village at that time but it has become very ugly and dangerous now.
Hello..halo..holla today is November 10, 2015 a Tuesday afternoon. I will continue on my mama's remembrance of San Pedro Sula where she meets family for the first time on the Bartel side. The people she meets are Rodolfo Bartel his duaghter Clara Bartel and Juan Drzycinesky and possibly his first name was John but in Latin countries John and Juan are the same. Juan Drzycinesky was originally from Poland and we don't know when he arrived to Honduras. My mom was just around 5 or 6 at the time she met her familia on the Bartel side so Juan Drzycinesky could have been there for many years already and would eventually father a child by Clara Bartel when she would be 19 years of age. Wow hurricanes that hit places like Central America literally destroy and kill people and devastate plantations with fruit. Also unusual weather activity occurs with these hurricanes as it did that fateful day for my mama and her papa. San Pedro Sula is the the second largest city and the first is Tegucigalpa its estimation of people about one million and San Pedro Sula is close to the Caribbean Sea and susceptible to devastating hurricanes like Fifi and Mitch. My mama said the days she spent with the Bartel's a hurricane hit and it was so massive, loud, and so horrifying that it was raining fish and all kinds of different birds! The ocean was furious and my mama states her mom was so afraid and made sure and insisted that her children stay away from the water due to the savage beast being in the water. But my mama does not know the name of what ever beast my abuela Antonia was so deathly afraid of. At the hotel where they were they had to move to the second floor with the owners of the hotel for safety. Once it stopped out side was filled every where with damage and a spectacular view of fish and birds all over the yard and streets. During the time all this was happening my abuelo Rodolfo Carl Heller Bartel was not any where to be seen again! Below I have added two pictures the second is Rodolfo Bartel whose nationality was Costarican and the first picture of Juan Drzycinesky the Pole and my mama as a child in her newspaper dress.
"When everything is seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane take off against the wind, not with it."-Henry Ford
Hello, hola, halo...today is November 21, 2015 a windy Saturday evening. Last time I was writing in my blog I had mentioned once again the loss of the presence of my abuelo Rodolofo from the home. My wistful mama gets so emotional every time we go over this part of the story. She still grieves her papa! No matter how old we get how time passes and we slowly go on with life and try to cope the best we can deep down in our in most being, the sting is still there. As the wind is howling, the ocean sounds roar, and the rain tumbles there is an agony of where is my abuelo? Where could he be in this weather, why is he not where we need him to be? My abuela Antonia trying to take care three small children and one with polio by her self and at that time I believe this would be start of the road to physical and mental sickness due to stress. As the hurricane passed and it was safe to wonder outside it was time to find my abuelo! The search was on going and walking every where trying to locate him. While others did help but with out any success he just disappeared into thin air. The authorities of Puerto Cortes also joined in on the search. Everyone said it was the hurricane that took him because how could some one survive some thing so powerful! My mama does not recall the amount of time they all spent there at the hotel waiting to see if my abuelo would show up or be found. Finally the authorities asked my abuela where they would like to go so arrangements could be made for the family. My abuela stated that they would go back to Tegucigalpa because where they were right now they did not know any one or had any familia. So transportation was made first for the family to travel by train than later other type of transportation would be made to take them to their destination. Food was prepared in baskets for the family and then they would transfer to what was called "La Empresa" in a safari type vehicle that would take the family back to where they were living at the beginning before they left. The family finally made it back to Perpetuo Socorro but not in the same neighborhood it was in a different area. It was really a small village where they returned to. I recently found this picture of my abuelo as a young man with two unknown individuals and I am not sure where it was taken. Maybe Honduras or Costa Rica. He is the one in the middle and we do not have many pictures of my abuelo Rodolfo when he was young so treasuring these pictures are very important.
Today is December 26, 2015 a Saturday 0149pm and the weather is in the 70's! I am here drinking my hot green tea and thinking about my familia's past. My mama and her familia ended up back in Perpetuo Soccorro where my abuela's family lived and they built some apartments for rent. They were just little rooms and my mama's uncle Fausto Eduardo Garcia Cortes built them. My abuela's sister also lived there and her name was Maria de Jesus Garcia Cortes nick named "Chuja". My abuela asked her sister permission to let her and the kids stay there till they can figure out what the next step would be. In my abuela's familia there were so many conflicts that she came from and unresolved issues with her father and siblings. These unresolved issues resulted in many break downs in the structure of my mama's familia that would follow into my mama's up bringing than of course followed the next generation! For my mama her safe-haven was a trap it would never be a safe-haven for her or the next generation if things did not change and curses were broken! My mama's aunt "Chuja" was bitter and jealous against my abuela Antonia, so jealous that my abuela met a man that was different and one who would take her away from her poverty and give her a better life for her and her children. My abuela knew that she would get abused verbally from "Chuja". My mama remembers that my abuela asked her for a room and the response from "Chuja" was, look at the "Gringo's" woman who is a disgrace, who used to live fancy, and is looking for help while she was laughing and scorching at my abuela! As my mama is telling me this story she gets emotional in her tales of our "lenaje." The things my mama had to endure. For my self, I learned to fight against these injustices in our familia and was looked upon as a maybe some one who is always challenging and maybe a misfit!
"What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will reveal to us later."-Romans 8:18
Hello, hola, halo...today is Sunday January 24, 2016 and the time is 0619pm. I just read over the last written information and made some changes and corrections. I have once again not been able to continue on this road of writing in the blog like I wish I could. I can't believe we are in a new year again! Well to take you back a bit to my story of my familia I want to just tell you all a little bit more about my abuela Tona. You know my poor abuela has already as a woman endured so much heartache. There is an ache that is deep down inside that tairs us apart and continues to pierce our heart and mind to a literal destruction! My abuela had gotten very physically sick where at times she would break out with a rash all over her body because of the stress and her physical appearance in her face was always unhappiness, anger, and just crying without expressing why she just would cry. My abuela would not explain to my mama why she would get so physically drenched with melancholy. My mama would be "mami porque lloras", "mommy why are you crying"? My abuela had her home taken away from her and her familia because her husband was a German, her government did not protect her but stabbed her in the back, she lost her husband in a blink of an eye, she had three little ones and one with Polio, and she had to live where she was not wanted by her own blood.!This is horrible! In my pit of my stomach I feel distress, I feel such a physical sickness that it makes me feel like I'm in another zone. My abuela rarely smiled, she really became bitter, and isolated her self and did not want any relations with any one. I am just writing the truth and she really became mean and did not trust any one! So suffering came and finally my abuela moved from her sister's house. Finally my abuela was able to move to another home and rent it. The ladies name last name was Fontecha de Cano. Cano would be her husbands last name and he was a pilot that disappeared. Senora Fontecha built her own little rooms to rent and so my abuela and her kids were able to move and have privacy and some peace. My mama does not know how long she lived there but she remembers it was a long time. Than out of the blue some one comes running and screaming to my abuela saying, Dona Tona Dona Tona, Don Rodolfo is coming! When my abuelita saw her husband Rodolfo her words coming out of her emotional mouth were " eres de este mundo o eres un fantasma" are you of this world or are you ghost"?
"Truth is the best Arrow and courage the finest bow."-Eva Ritchey
Guten Tag...halo...hello..today is February 20, 2016 0332pm. I have been working on my ancestors and my mama's pictures to use them on my blog. I have so many pictures to go through and to watermark each one. As I was telling you all on my last passage that my abuelo Rodolfo Heller Bartel disappeared into thin air and than reappeared out of know where. Financially my mama's familia would get back on track but only for a while. Where was my abuelo all that time? It must have been a couple years the way the story goes because my abuela Tona suffered so much and so did my mama and two uncles. This story is a real story from riches to rags! Never back to riches but always just head above water. Just barely making it, just barely breathing, just barely eating, just barely health care, just barely a roof over there heads. As my abuelo continued in the Toncontin Airforce there were many speculations on where he could have been. When my abuelo finally got home and settled my mama would remember men coming to the home in La Kennedy looking for my abuelo and wanting him to return to work with them. These were men dressed nice and clean in there uniforms. Life never ends up the way you think it will or maybe you just never planned and life just happens! La Kennedy is located in the Central District of Honduras. In July 2014 I went to visit for the first time in twenty years. I was happy to see family I only communicated with through facebook or the phone. My mama states she was able to buy the home in her twenties. This middle class neighborhood was built in alliance to our former President John F. Kennedy in the 1980's. This is the home and neighborhood my mama, brothers, abuela lived in and died. This is the house that my mama's kids and nieces and nephews grew up in. But this home is the home that my abuelo Rodolfo would never know or have part off! I still get sick emotionally when I write about my familia and the struggle. I realize always as my mama ages that we are just tenants here on this earth and we must be kicked out eventually when death comes knocking! My mama will have a birthday again this February 26, 2016 and she will turn 76. Below is a picture of my mom at about age 15. This picture is one that she does not have an original off but family in Mexico has a copy of it with her two brothers. This is a copy. We hope to get to Chaipas, Mexico to make copies of the originals or obtain the originals. One of my abuelos sisters moved the Chaipas, Mexico where she started her life with her husband from Mexico.
"If you think your family is normal, then you are probably not a genealogist."-unknown
Guten tag..halo..today is my mama's birthday she has turned 76! Wow how time flies and memories are made. I feel privileged to be bound to this continual story of my familia. What was the original purpose of my great grandfather to come to America? First I believe it was work and the American dream. Also leaving behind his town of Angermunde, Germany and 43 miles from Berlin to go to New York on a liner or ship where my great grandfather would marry my great grandmother and than eventually move to Costa Rica where all the children would be born except the youngest. All the children lived to a ripe age except two. One passed away as a baby and the other his life was taken away at 21 while a pattern would follow after his death. The death of my great grandmother's baby girl's name was Marguarita Heller Bartes spelled wrong last name Bartel October 5, 1901 and died in 1903. My great grandfather was 27 and my great grandmother was 28. The child was born in Alajuela, Costa Rica. So painful when a baby dies I know the feeling because I am very close to that ache that will always be there. My mama knows the feeling also as her mama lost a couple children while they were toddlers. My mama had six kids and I am the second to the youngest. My little sister is the only one who has a different father. Today my mama is working. She did not even take a day off for her birthday as a teacher in the school system.
Halo..hello..today is February 26, 2016 and I have already had my cup of lemon ginger tea. The weather today is much better than yesterday. I can't wait for spring which brings new life new beginnings. My mama was always going through seasonal changes in her life. Nothing really stayed steady for long. Once my mama got settled in Perpetuo Socorro that is where they lived for a long time and when my abuelo returned he lived there also with them. Once my abuelo returned there was alot of acclamation of the feeling of realness and at the same time joyfulness because life should return to its original state that it was in before he disappeared. My mama loved her dad a lot because he was different and a very creative man who made many parts for cars, planes, and other types of machines. While my abuelo got back to life as a man in the Toncontin airforce, a father, and husband he had changed tremendously. I feel that their were things he did not want to do any more in the air force but was always pressed by them! My mama said she remembers men would show up at the house and want my abuelo to return to work with them and they would put a lot of continual pressure on him. My mama remembers they would speak in English so no one would understand them but she would feel and see just a lot of pressure being added to him by those constant visits. I have added an updated picture of my abuelo Rodolfo Heller Bartel as he got older. I definitely see hardship in his life.
Halo..hello..today is leap year February 29, 2016 and it is 51 degrees out side already. So nice compared to the extreme cold. When my abuelo returned to his home he also had to return to the life we all call work! Work would keep him away from home and he would not be able to assist my abuela Tona in raising the kids. The boys were becoming hard to raise especially my tio Carlos Alberto Heller Garcia. With all his medical needs because of his polio he also had lots of mental problems and he would just become torture for the family. My abuela Tona would of course become again the house wife taking care of the duties at home while my abuelo would be stationed at the base for his duties. When my abuelo disappeared there was rarely any talk about what really happened it was only between my abuelos. I am not sure if my abuela really knew all the details also about what really occurred. What I know is that my abeula Tona was under stress. She would be the one who would walk because she did not drive to take my tio to his appointments and his therapy appointments. Walking and carrying him would be the theme almost three days out of the week. Since my abuelo would be stationed at the base for long periods at a time my abuelo would be in charge totally for the kids well being. Going back a little to the story when my abuelo got back from being missing for who knows how long my abuela Tona was already physically sick. My mama states by the time my abuelo returned he had to take my abuela to the hospital. When my abuela Antonia went to the hospital the kids got separated due to my abuelo who also had to return to make a living. My abuela was left at the hospital and the kids went to separate homes. My mama stayed with her neighbor and my tio's stayed with their aunt my abuelas sister who is the main one that gave my abuela grief. Later my mama was moved to her uncle Faustos home and was able to visit her mama but the boys were never able to go visit their mom during this time at the hospital. As you can see the pattern just gets grim as time passes. Below I have added a picture of my mama as a child. The picture looks like they caught her looking up at some thing and so a weird picture was taken.
Today is March 9, 2016 it is 0939 am and the weather this week so far has turned out great each day. My mama even through her heart aches and suffering she still remembers fun filled days. In the aspect of being my mama's second to the youngest child we are in many ways very different in how we approach conditions that are thrown our way. I am more cautious, forward, and not willing to put my life or family in positions that my mama was put in or that she put us in. My mama started working at seven years old while being an excellent student through her hardships. Now in days society says it is best not to add work to a child at such a young age but I disagree. Afterwards children grow up lazy and want things easy and constantly want without working for it. We grew up working! It starts with simple things at home it does not mean we become slave children but worth is being taught to us even in those hardship times. I recently found out that before my abuela Tona had my mama and her brothers that she tried to have children before. I knew she had miscarriages and lost some children after birth but I did not she raised four kids who were orphans before my mama was born. One was names Albita the other Juan and I do not know other names. She raised them from infancy to adults. And my mama says she remembers them. We do have some pictures with my abuela Tona with a child a girl and another picture with a little boy but do not know who they are. We never new them or heard any thing about them. They left they never returned! That is odd. What happened? Once my abuela raised them to adults they left the home and never returned to thank her or to help her in hardship times or when she became elderly. My mind thinks and comes up with some ideas possibly why this happened. Did they grow up to be trouble and unkind, were they threatening, did they become dangerous, did they find their blood relatives, and finally were they were ungrateful idiots? Who knows what the story was. But so many times my abuela has given her heart in order to raise the unwanted or give to the needy that stabbed her in the back many times. Thinking back on why my abuela got so physically sick this could be another factor that pushed her to the limits of some serious health problems. Below I have added a picture of my abuela Tona with an unknown child. This could be one of the orphans she raised to an adult that never returned to give thanks!
Halo..hello.. today is March 14, 2016 a Monday and time has changed. I like that there is an extra hour with light but don't really like this time change. Going back to my abuelo Rodolfo when he finally appeared out of no where he was a changed person. Even though he came home he had the air force officers in Toncontin coming to the home on many occasions wanting him to return to work. But he was already working at the base so we are not sure what work they wanted him to return to. I can speculate why he did want to return! He would say no to these men dressed in nice suits speaking in English. There was really no talk about it and if my abuela Tona new she never said any thing about these meetings. But I doubt she new very much due to her not even knowing of his whereabouts when he disappeared. Also my abuelo Rodolfo became an alcoholic. His alcoholism really changed him and tore the family structure up. I feel that my abuela Tona was put in a predicament on raising the kids on her own while taking care of the health issues her son had with Polio and not putting her self on the top of the scale to make sure her health was good to be able to deal with every thing thrown her way. My abuelo started making enemies around the places he would hang out but also at his work place where he was not protected or helped with his drinking problems. There was no support for him in side of his job! Especially being pilot and being the first to conduct flying lessons to the up coming new pilots in Honduras. There was a jealousy already formed in his unit with some of his authorities that he would have to report to. In January 1936 at the Aviation School in Honduras my abuelo Rodolfo Heller Bartel conducted flight school. I believe my abuelo had so much stress and tension from work and from not being able to be there for his family that the drinking became his hide away from reality. Some times we run the wrong way and choose the wrong things to occupy us during our pains and they become very addictive and lead to horrible circumstances. When we are under the influence of any thing that is not worth it we become trapped. Being under the influence or addicted brngs in company we keep and refuse to let go takes us on the wrong path of destruction. My abuelo Rodolofo only when he was under the influence of heavy alcohol was a person with a different personality. He would become so uncontrollable that my abuela Tona really had no power over him. He would take all the important papers and pictures with him. He lost many important papers and pictures. My mama would say that her dad was such a good dad when he was not drinking. I do know that the kids suffered a lot from my abuelo going missing with the Polio my tio contracted, and of course the mental and physically sickness my abuela contracted. My tio Carlos not only had issues with his Polio but some serious behavioral problems that led to mental issues with violent out breaks. To much time was passing with all of those problems and feeling that it would never end.
"Do not repair, do not scorn and do not wipe my tears just taste them and they will dry up on their own."-Akiane Kramarik
Guten tag..today is gorgeous day of 79 degrees and the date is Tuesday 03/15/16 0128pm. Continuing on our family drama as I call it but a very real one when my abuelo went missing we felt it was all planned. From him going missing to making sure my abuela got back to her home with the family items ready in big huge baskets and tickets to be bought for departure. My abuelo Rodolfo was taken by force probably because he did not want to continue on the classified work that was given to him. Maybe it was not worth it! It was probably making him crazy and he had a wife and three children to take care of and one with serious physical sickness who needed to be on a schedule. Once my abuelo was out of the family picture for a long time the family suffered so much pain mentally and in their hearts. Was my abuelo taken to be interrogated and was his family threatened? Who had it in for him? Remember he was a Caucasian German but he was born in Costa Rica and had many ethnic affiliations in the Hispanic/Latino people. My abuelo spoke three languages German, English, and Spanish like all his brothers and sisters did. My abuelo and his familia loved the Central American countries and the people. But because my abuelo was a German and his family left Germany at the time when many Germans were forced to be killers my abuelo Rodolfo and his brothers were looked down on and forced from their homes that they bought and paid in full by the Central American government. They also could not speak there native language because of being ostracized or condemned or put their family in danger. My mama said that she was not taught the German language due to these dangers and from the family standards it was best to forget it! I would have loved to meet my abuelo Rodolfo. I missed out on that but not just I all my brothers and sisters also did. The only grandchild that was able to meet my abuelo was my prima Margarita Ernestina Heller Romero!
"There are some things you can only learn in the storm."-Joel Osteen
Hello today is Thursday March 17, 2016 0152pm. The weather here is close to 70 degrees with clouds and still a little chilly. When my abuelo returned there was a lot to deal with. I am pretty sure the stress from wondering if my abuela Antonia will take him back and how will the children react to his return after a sudden exit from him. By the time my abuelo Rodolfo returned my abuela Antonia was really sick and had to be put in the hospital for a very long time. My mama does not have medical records on why my abuela was put in the hospital for so long and what type of diagnosis she had. With my abuela's hair falling out and finding out she was allergic to Penicillin what else could go wrong for her! My mama states that my abuela was in an inpatient at a hospital for about two years with her being in coma. I'm wondering how all this physical stress almost killed my poor abuela! We know that stress is a killer and a health problem. The pain from life that we put on ourselves, society puts on us or that is thrown our way only the strong ones who continue to fight are able to keep breathing and moving. That is what my abuela did even though she lost so much of her life. My mama was proud of her father especially when he was piloting his small plane and flying over the neighborhood while my mama was playing with kids in her neighborhood. People would see him flying over and people would say look Gina its your papa! Every one would start jumping up and down and waving to my abuelo Rodolfo and he would wave back. Some happy moments!
"Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the way we do. With no relatives, no support, we've put it in an impossible situation."-Margaret Mead
Halo..hello..today is March 22, 2016 a Tuesday. Good times were hard to come upon in my mama's life and home. But they would try to make the best of it and as time passed challenges would enter into the family and they would have to deal with it the best they could to keep breathing, living, and moving. My abuela Antonia as she was in the hospital for a long time the kids had to adjust on the separation from each other and their mama. The boys were not able to visit as I stated before and my mama was the only one allowed to visit. My mama was able to see the condition her mama was in and try to understand it the best she could at her age. Broken times make us sick and change the way we look at circumstances and the people who surround us who were the main ones that were suppose to support and protect us are no where in sight. Their are times or seasons in this life that are not for us and so we must either be strong and walk away and let it kill us little by little and we must get revived little by little and live and become stronger. While my abuela was raising her children my tio Carlos Alberto Heller Garcia who contracted Polio and became filled with mental and abusive ways it was a difficult job for my abuela to control him. In those days they really did not know how to deal with this type of behaviors and so my abuela would spank him so much, to often, and to hard! My mama would say to her mama, no more mama no more! My tio would do things like stab my mama on her finger with some thing sharp which would lead up to more dangers acts in the future. My tio Carlos would get bullied and taunted because of his limp. He had to wear one of those special shoes that had extra bottoms to it to make his legs almost the same height. Where was the peace in that home or my mama's life? As time passed and the time my abuela was in the hospital I don't believe they were able to determine what exactly she had. My abuela was in coma and her kids were apart from their mama and papa. My mama being the oldest and a girl a lot was placed on her. As her mama was in the hospital my mama said that her mama Antonia started asking her who the nun was that would always come to the room and just stay in there and pray quietly for her. My mama said no nuns were at that hospital and no one specifically was sent to be in the room with her on a daily basis and pray over her. The staff did not send or know any nun in the hospital and they did not send one to my abuela. The conclusion is that it was an angel sent from our precious Lord to comfort my abuela in her distress and missing her children.
Think Like A Tree
Soak up the Sun, Affirm life's magic, be graceful in the wind, stand tall after a storm, feel refreshed after it rains. Grow strong without notice, be prepared for each season, provide shelter to strangers, hang tough through a cold spell, emerge renewed at the first signs of spring, stay deeply rooted while reaching the sky, be still long enough to, hear your own leaves rustling.- Karen I. Shragg
Hello..today is March 24, 2016 a Thursday 0920am and the weather is 63 degrees. The temperature feels good but it is very cloudy and we will have thunderstorms today. The weather is like life some times you never know what storms are coming your way and how you will have to adjust to its temperatures. Finally when my abuela Antonia was able to come home there were more changes in the family dynamic. My abuela had to get adjusted to getting her kids back on track. My mama would start working at seven years old. Her job was to try to help some while going to school and studying. My mama would start ironing clothes with her mama to try to supplement some income and probably to help her get done faster. While the family was still living in Socorro Perpetuo my abuelo Rodolfo was still working on base and traveling with his job and drinking. Some things my mama would tell me are that it got so bad that my abuelo would pilot his plane while drinking, so his job ended up taking away his ability to pilot. This would be a move that would increase his drinking because some thing he loved was taken from him. There were times when my abuelo would get sober and do well and look like his self again and the family structure would bloom again. On one of my mama's poems she writes about her mama and papa working outside and my mama looks out of the window and looks at her dad at how healthy and happy he looks. When our families are doing well and are happy it makes us feel good and happy also. In my mama's life there were happy and really sad times.
"When you go through rivers of difficulty you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up: the flames will not consume you."-Isaiah 43:2
Guten tag..halo..hello today is Good Friday, March 25, 2016 10:01 am and a cloudy 44 degrees day. Wow we already are in the middle of March! As I have reviewed many old letters that my great aunt Mary or named Maria Margarita Heller Bartel gathered in her room in Tuscaloosa, Alabama from Germany, Costa Rica, Honduras, and USA we would never have these memories if it were not for her. Because of my abuelo Rodolfo's sister we are able to locate our families and read what they were like and what struggles they had in their life and in their time of history. When my great aunt Mary passed we went to clean all her things out and bury her in Alabama and were able to gather all this wonderful history she had put up for us to lavish over. There were lots of struggles in my abuelo's life. From loosing a baby sister as a toddler to eventually loosing his brother Carlos Heller Bartel in New Orleans. How awful that must have been and felt. As time passed I believe the memory of loosing his family got a little better but it was always there and could not totally leave the mind and heart. And this is something I believe that my abuelo Rodolfo would struggle with during the time of his life. The passing of his brother that was only 21 at the time his life was taken and my abuelo was the last person who was with him. My abuelo carried the burden of trying to be a father, husband, a pilot, a son, and a sibling. So many hats to carry for a man. I believe that part of his alcoholism was because of his brother. Before my abuelo Rodolfo became a father he lived in Costa Rica and his family did a lot of community work and volunteering. Plus my great abuelo Paul Ernst Carl Theodor Heller did his civil engineering work in Costa Rica. Eventually when the last child was born in Costa Rica which was Carlos they moved to another part of Central America which was Tegucigalpa, Honduras and the last child was born there my great uncle Juan Pablo Heller Bartel and also known as Paul. My great grandfather and great uncles were military men and also some of my great grandfathers family in Germany.
Today is March 27, 2016 a Easter Sunday. I wonder how my abuelos celebrated Easter in their home. There is so much to write about but so little time as always. As my mama grew to be a young lady she became a straight A student and eventually become the Valedictorian of her class. Through the struggles, poverty, and pain my mama was able to still keep her studies up because her mama would make sure she had the education she never received. As my mama grew to become a young woman she had to defend her self many times in her own home from her violent brother. Even though I speak to my mama about her life and try to get accuracy in answers I don't always get them. My mama has had traumas in her conscience and so she remembers almost everything accurately but I feel makes excuses for behaviors that occurred. These excuses really forwarded my mama to make and get into problems that could have been avoided. We let things in our families change us for the good or for the worst. My mama would say her papa was a good father but from my point of view I don't agree because it seems that my mama and her siblings were raised alone most of the time and of course with their mama. All the problems that my tio got into was imaginable! From fights, to gangs, to drugs. The worst was when he took it out on the family and my mama was the target. When my mama was in her twenties she lived in El Salvador where she had her first job as a school teacher and her papa was not living there and her brother came to visit was drinking but my mama did not know and she started joking with him and saying " oh your coming from seeing the pretty girls", just this one remark sparked events that almost killed my mama!
'Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Hello today is Tuesday March 29, 2016 0732 pm and I will continue today writing a little bit more about my tio's. When my tio Carlos was hanging around in El Salvador on the streets there was a person that he saw and my mama knew this man well. Can you believe that fate and you will not believe who it was a man named Abraham. To go back a little my mama already was a mama her self. She already had one child. The oldest Alba and she would eventually help raise Margarita Ernestina Heller Romero. So when my tio Carlos got home he was intoxicated but my mama did not know. As my mama proceeded to joke with him he became erratic and proceeded on telling my mama that it was that no good Abraham came and told her all those lies! My tio Carlos was cursing my mama he became violent with her took out a knife and started running after her. My mama did every thing she could in order to protect her self by running to a patio in between the home. It was late and it was night so outside was not visible. My mama hid and took slow quite breaths. Since my tio Carlos could not find my mama he went to my mama's room and started tearing down Abraham's clothes down and cutting them up with the knife. My abeula Tona was running after him and finally some kind of way was able to calm him while in my mama's room tio Carlos fell on the floor and fell a sleep. My mama was injured by the weapon and her arm was cut between the triceps and brachialis. My mama called Santos Abraham and he came with a taxi and took my mama to La Cruz Roja. To stop the bleeding they placed bandages on her arm. My mama does not really remember what happened after the attack took place. I asked her what did you all do with tio Carlos? Did you call the police? Did you put him in prison? But she does not remember! When I look at my mama's arm it always reminds me of that day that she suffered so much. I don't like reminding her of that incident and asking her repeated questions but I need to know to have some accuracy on her life. I know that my Lord was with my mama even though this was a horrible experience. When we suffer in the hands of other's it is heart breaking. But in this life we must over come those past curses that have attacked our homes.
"You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated."-Maya Angelou
Halo..today is March 31, 2016 a Thursday. Today I will continue to write a little bet more about my mama's brother's or the men in her family. Both of my tio's became violent in many ways. My other tio Bruno Conrado Heller Garcia also became a military man in the air force in Honduras. But my tio's had issues with drinking and brutal ways. Some times trauma turns into violence. As my tio's got older some times they would do good other times they would continue acting out. My tio Carlos became a womanizer or in Spanish they call men like this " Don Juan" who was a nobleman from Seville, Spain and was famous for seducing women. Jeje, this is hilarious! And why do I laugh because this man had seven children that we know off and one that we just recently found out is his but we have not met her or really know who she is. But if she carries a Heller name she is family by name. These are children from different woman. All the kids have a different mom except two of the kids which are the youngest. My abuelo Rodolfo only met one grandchild as I stated before and that was my tio Carlos first child Margarita. My abuelo did not meet any other grandchildren because when my mama was having children she lived in El Salvador and my abuelo was in Tegucigalpa.
"Birds in their little nest agree; and 'Tis a shameful sight, when children of one family fall out, and chide, and fight."-Isaac Watts
Hello..it's the weekend and it is April fools day. April 1, 2016 a Friday. I have always wondered why may mama was not able to see her dad when she returned back to Central America while being sent to USA to study and make a new life for her self. Before my mama was sent to USA she had already done her studies at the Instituto Alpha with a dual enrollment in Business in Honduras. She did not learn English while she was growing up. It would have been great if she could have because my abuelo new three languages and so did my great uncles and great aunts. Once my mama finished her busy high school years and working at the same time and helping take care of the family she ended up moving to El Salvador. My mama had already met the man she would conceive her first five children with. This will be another story! When my mama was sent to USA she was staying with my great tio Pablo but was known as Paul and his family. My mama got worried because she had missed her cycle and did a pregnancy test and found out she was pregnant with her first. This just turned my mama's world upside down. Not that she was carrying a baby or that she even thought that she would do some thing inconceivable but the pressure was on her because she was sent to the states to study! My mama felt she had done a terrible thing because she was breaking every one's heart who had high expectations for her. There became a lot of pressure on every one. The support towards my mama was not so great! A woman's role in this world is also about finding independence and I believe that is what my mama was doing.
"What would men do with out women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."-Mark Twain
Halo..today is Tuesday April 5th 2016. I will continue on my mama's sudden pregnancy news with my oldest sister Alba. Well my great tio Juan Pablo (Paul) Heller Bartel lived in Alabama where he met his wife and had his children. My mama was under his care and had to help her make decisions. So when she became pregnant I am pretty sure there were discussions between great tio Paul and my abuelo Rodolfo on what steps to take. My great tio Paul also had some issues with his wife not wanting my great tio to speak his native tongue which was Spanish even though his ethnicity was German or be around any Latinos. My great tio was the youngest and he was born in Honduras. These are the words of my great tio Paul to my mama. He would take her aside and have conversations with her that his wife did not want him to speak Spanish and have any thing to do with the people from his country and so on. Since my mama was living in their home I believe it made every thing a little difficult for everyone. It really is hard to live with others especially when they don't want you around. My mama said that her tio Paul advised her on getting an abortion. Who knows where all this talk was coming from. There were people making decisions on her behalf and with out discussing it with her. My mama had to make the decision on this pregnancy. Finally my mama ended up going back to El Salvador not Tegucigalpa, Honduras. My mama states she just felt so bad about every thing. My oldest sister has taken this out of context with my mama that she was not wanted but we know it is untrue. Again there is nothing she could do about her pregnancy any more the only option was to continue with the pregnancy and have her child. There was little communication with my mama and my abuelo when she returned. My mama was involved with some one that my abuelo I believe was not happy with. My abuelo Rodolfo was looking for this man and my mama found out that my abuelo would go to this individuals family home looking for him. My abuela Antonia decided to join my mama in El Salvador to help support her but my abuelo stayed behind and during the pregnancy my mama did not see her dad. The struggles of parent hood are alive in our familia. You try your best and hope for a good outcome with out to many errors. But in this life what can you do if the ones you raise decide to let the enemy co-hoarse them? It is simply not that easy to be a parent and my mama now would have her turn in becoming a parent and seeing the struggles.
"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."-J.K. Rowling
Good morning today is Thursday April 7, 2016 0827am and I have been thinking on my writing my next chapter. When my mama was growing up there was hardly no talk about what happened to my great tio Carlos Heller Bartel who was born in Costa Rica but when he moved with the family to Honduras that is where he grew and made his life. While living in Honduras they had to over come some struggles of having no work in order to make a living. My tio traveled to New Orleans on September 17, 1926 and than again in August 15, 1927 and on this August trip my abuelo Rodolfo traveled with him and by October 20, 1927 my tio Carlos was murdered! Since no one really spoke of this ugly horror and it was a situation with pain and unbelief no one really new the truth. Even now in the 20th century it was believed that he committed suicide. But I mentioned that it was murder and that is what I will stick with because suicide does not even follow the trace of my investigation! I believe this lead my abuelo to drink and alcohol became his way out of reality and the truth. No one knew where great tio Carlos was buried. There were only rumors and that he did committed suicide due to leaving where he lived all his life and the people he knew to come to America to support his family and while in New Orleans he could not find any type of work. So the rumor was that he took his life because of all the pressure put on him. The rumor was he committed suicide due to lack of finding a job and the harsh circumstances he was in. There were rumors also that there was a news paper article stating what happened and in it the investigation lead to suicide. But that news paper article was not found through all the letters and articles that we had from my familia. But with much effort and lots of searching and sending messages I finally was able to find the news paper article an updated picture my mama had and finally where he was buried. It took me many years from the time I started my ancestry research on my family. I found his death certificate with his name misspelled and his burial site misspelled. My conclusion it was to hide him and what happened to him. One day out of the blue I had a dream and my bis tio Carlos was telling me it was murder! This is another story that needs to be written and expressed by me. He was the handsome one of the familia with a dimple on his left side. My mama only heard bits and pieces about his life my great tia Mary who had all the ancestors letters and pictures did not even speak of what happened and my mama was to fearful to ask questions about it.
"It's not enough to love the children, it is necessary that they are aware that they are loved".-St. John Bosco
Hello today is Monday April 11, 2016 and it is 0916 in the morning. How time passes when we think every thing will be the same or you will never have a change in life. " To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."- Emily Dickenson. What a great quote to live by. I see how my ancestors are gone and time has passed and took them from this busy hard world and took them from us. We all are appointed to die! It can not be taken away no matter how well we take care of our selves physically or if we live a terrible life. Death is waiting at the door for us it does not discriminate on age, color, country, rich, famous, or poor. Taken time to live is important no matter what situation we are born in or thrown in. I see that in my mama that no matter what has happened in her life she has tried to love under the circumstances that have been so difficult, under the circumstances where she has not made good decisions, and under the circumstances that we as her children have not been the children she expected us to be and have also hurt her in many ways and forms. When my mama returned to El Salvador she returned to the man that she would live with for a couple years while conceiving more children with him. Every time my mama turned around she was pregnant by this man and she ended up having five kids with him. My abuelo Rodolfo did not meet any of them. When my abuelo was searching for this man and going to his family members home and could not find him it was probably to give him a piece of his mind because this man was a womanizer! What a life for my mama! I also believe my abuela did not let my abuelo go to El Salvador because my abuelo was drinking more and was becoming more aggressive and wanted to hurt this man Santos Abraham. But it was a decision my abuela would make that kept my abuelo from seeing his daughter for the last time and maybe he could have met my mama's first born before his life ended.
Halo..Hello it's Friday! Today is a nice day a little chilly this morning but it will soon be very warm. I am happy it is Friday because I get a break from work and I can try to work on my blog and finish this time line of my familia. I have not written on my blog for a couple days but I will try my best today and will be adding more photos soon. I believe my abuelo was stressed and depressed at the end of his life. He lost his privileges to fly, he lost contact with his children, his parents were already deceased, his brothers and sisters were scattered every where, and he became a drinker. I am trying to find a light at the end of the tunnel here! When you are a parent and life with your kids is broken you either break down or you move on the best you can. When my abuela Antonia returned to where my abuelo was it was not long after that tragedy would strike once again to the family. My mama only had my oldest sister who at the time was under a year old and she was pregnant again. This time my mama would get a surprise with the second pregnancy because it would turn out to be twins! Wow! But as I have stated before my abuelo would not be part of his grand children's life's. When my abeula Antonia lived in Socorro Perpetuo a murder would take place that would be so devastating to the familia. This would be my abuelo's Rodolfo's last breath! All my abuela Antonia was hearing is, " Tonita mataron a Rodolfo" and my abuela runs outside and sees her husband already dead and she sees the perpetrator and starts running after the killer and starts throwing rocks at him. The killer was a "Zapatero Ambulante", which translates into shoe repair man. The killer still had the knife on him and started also aiming at my abuela! After the attack the family was able to get some details on what happened. My abuelo Rodolfo started walking up the hill and maybe he had been drinking, no one is for sure! But as he walked up the hill he bumped into this man and the man mentioned, El Salvador which ignited an anger in my abuelo because that is where my mama was living, and before you knew it my abuelo was gone from this earth. He was stabbed in the heart and lung area. My mama states that my abuelo's sister great tia Mary had a news paper article regarding the murder but we have not been able to find it. In an instance life can be taken away through violence!
"Try to learn to breath deeply, really taste food when you eat, and when you sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough."-Ernest Hemingway
Halo..hello today is Wednesday April 20, 2016 at 0209pm. I will be finishing with this blog on my familia soon. What a devastating blow this was for everyone. Unbelievable! My famailia states this man went to jail but my mama does not know his name or able to give more information on him. I have family out of the country that will investigate this for me and hope they can provide more details on this old crime. When it was time for my abuelo's funeral the only thing the air force in Toncontin offered was an "ataud" a casket! More devastating problems for the family always waiting knocking on their doors. They did not get any type of compensation from his job where he was for many years. When my abuela was getting every thing ready for the funeral she sent my mama a telegram because they did not have a phone or any other means of getting in contact with my mama. My mama did not even know what had occurred to her dad. When my mama received the telegram it was to late! My abuelo was already in his "ataud" and was buried in the family grave yard. My poor mama did not get a chance to say hello, I'm sorry, or good bye! There is a movie that I watched called Tiger Eyes that depicts a young girl whose father died and she was not able to say good bye for the last time and suffered a lot. When I was watching it I always thought of my mama in this movie. It was an emotional movie. Well my mama was not there when her father was finally gone from this earthly world. There were rumors that my abuelo had fathered another child and it was a girl. At the funeral a lady showed up to visit the body and told my abuela that she was Rodolfo's daughter. My mama said my abuela told the lady to leave and no one knows any more details about this individual. After all this mess my tio Conrado ran away and was finally found and registered also in the air force. My mama had five of her children in Central America and she finally made her way to USA to start a new life.
Tegucigalpa, Honduras, C.A., Wednesday 26 of February 1936
The opening of the Military school of aviation
Officially the military school of aviation was opened
yesterday by the director Coronel William C. Brooks, a north American veteran
and pilot. One of the war aircrafts of the army was tested and flown by the
student Rodolfo Heller Bartel. The instructional exam included, and other
things, eight exercises of vertical rounds, (with rounds), spirals, stops, and
etc. It is the opinion of Coronel Brooks that in Heller there is great valuable
elemental material for the school. It is common knowledge that Heller is a
young Honduran man who finished his primary studies in the Normal School of Boys
in 1917, and dedicated to the learning of Mechanics, Science which he spent ten
years of his life. In 1928 he made a trip to the United States where he started
Aviation School at Wedell-Williams of New Orleans, where he stayed for five
years while receiving his license for Mechanics of Aviation from the Department
of Commerce of the United States in 1929. He was a student-pilot in the School
of Aviation of Birmingham Air Service between the years of 1921-1932. His aerial
experience has taken him to Louisiana, Alabama, and Florida and having under
him 121 hours flying solo. This experience is credited to Heller that allowed
the first opened Military School of Aviation and given prestige and honor to
the armed forces of the republic of Honduras.
©Translated by Odette and Ernestine Heller
Tegucigalpa, Honduras, C.A., Miércoles 26 De Febrero De 1936
Extraoficialmente fue abierta ayer la Escuela Militar cie Aviación por su Director, el Coronel William C. Brooks, veterano piloto aviador norteamericano. Uno de los aparatos de guerra del Ejército fue empleado en un vuelo de examen del estudiante Rodolfo Heller Bartel, examen de instrucción que incluyó, entre otras cosas ejercicios de ochos, "y vueltas verticales (hacer el rizo), espirales, paradas, etc. Es opinión del Coronel Brooks que en Heller hay , buen material para hacer de él un elemento valioso para la Escuela, como es sabido, Heller es un muchacho hondureño que terminó sus estudios de primaria en la Escuela Normal de Varones en 1917, dedicándose luego al aprendizaje de la mecánica, ciencia a la que dedicó más de diez años de su vida. n 1928 hizo viaje a los Estados Unidos e ingresó a la Escuela de Weddell-Williams de Nueva Orleans, es donde permaneció por cinco años. Recibió su licencia corno mecánico de aviación del Departamento de comercio de los Estados Unidos,en 1929,habiendo estado de piloto-estudiante en la Escuela de Aviación del Birmingham Air Service de 931 a 1932. Su experiencia aérea lo ha llevado a los estados de Louisana, Alabama y Florida, teniendo en su haber 121 horas de vuelo solo. Es el buen material como el de Heller el que ha de acreditar la recién fundada Escuela Militar de Aviación y darle honra y prestigio a ha armada aérea de la repúblicâ.
"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family."-Thomas Jefferson
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it spring up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."-Isaiah 43:18-19
